Confused Dad

I have a 21 year old son, that right now is on the run from the Police. I won't give too many details here, becuase the case is fairly well known in the media around here, and I fear I won't get the advice I seek. He has been missing for the better part of the year, and at times I wondered if maybe he was killed, because he lives a really rough life. He is wanted on nearly 40 charges, mainly gang related type of charges. Just for clarification, he hasn't murdered anyone, nor has he harmed any children or anything like that. His crimes are serious nonetheless. In my city, he is #1 on the most wanted list, and in the newspaper every week.

I strongly feel that with a good lawyer, he can get his problems mitigated. But he has to want to change his ways, and I don't believe he does.

The last time he called was me a few months ago just to say hi, but didn't want to give me details, I know he doesn't trust me. You see, I have tried to talk him in several times and face the music. He used to call me weekly, but now it's been 4 months since the last call, and I feared that he was gone.

I found him. By total accident. Well sort of by accident, sort of decietfully. You see, all I was trying to do was learn if he was alive. Now he is very street smart, and covers his tracks well. But his friends don't. So I created a fake facebook profile of some random cute young girl, and found a few of his friends on there. A couple of them actually friended me without actually knowing "me" (people with like 750 friends, you know the type, they would friend a fire hydrant). Once a couple of them did, dozens of them did, all thinking they know me since we have mutual friends. And no one ever questioned me who I was. I was shocked at how easy that actually was.

So today, while cyber stalking them on my usual weekly snooping around, I spotted a picture of a girl on one of the walls sitting next to my boy at some party. Turns out she is his girlfriend. So I friend requested her, and she accepted. And I snooped.

He changed his name, they are engaged, and living in another state. He looks happy. And more importantly, alive. And only a couple of his very closest friends have her on their facebook. I'm not sure if she even knows his real name. I know his buddies do of course, but you know good friends when they are tight.

Now I don't know what I should do with this. I constantly have undercover cop cars parked on my block watching my house. They are painfully obvious. Day or night, they are there. I have been pulled over at least 10 times in the last few months usually over something stupid, like "not coming to a complete stop". I have had them follow me around the city. I haven't got a ticket yet, always a 'verbal' warning. Funny how in the last 20 years I haven't been pulled over once, but the last few months it seems like a weekly event.

I am conflicted. He will eventually get caught, but his tracks are well covered. But if just faces the music, it won't be as bad as he thinks. He has never spent anything more than a few days at a time behind bars in any stretch. He is in a position to negotiate a reduced sentence, probably less than 6 months. But if they find him, all bets are off, and he will do probably a minimum 10 years.

But as a Dad, I would be betraying him. Probably the very reason he is hiding from me as well. His instincts are good. He is an adult after all. He can make his own decisions.

So now, I don't know. What is right, and what is wrong?
Lay it on me.


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  • He need to com clean and change his ways but u cant make him

  • Contact a lawyer and get an idea of what your son is up against. Then contact your son with the answers. You might even consider hiring a PI to find his address so you can send him a letter. He's probably afraid to face the consequences as he might not be aware of what they are. He can use the time to get his head straight, but you're right, he needs to really want to stop living the way he has while he's still young. And don't be afraid to go down to your police department and talk to the chief about the surveillance-- while you may want to run this by a lawyer at first-- if they know you want what's best for everyone, they will probably be able to offer some of best advice that could be found. Tell them that you are doing your best to find your son and ask him to man up. Good luck.

  • The code says dont rat on family. If you tell him your plan nd lay it out for him and let him make the decision thats one thing, but turning him in against his will makes you the enemy. Dont do it. Although you might be able to make the offer of 6 months knowing what you know now, the question remains has he acumulated more crimes to other alises? You may be doing him a great diservice by outing him. On the other hand obstructing justice holds a penalty of itself and if you know his whereabouts you are obligated by law to give that information to the police. Faliure to do so could result in fines and even jail time! So what is more important to you, civic duty or familial obligation?

  • Guilt by association.

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