I'm 42 and I just found out I've been ugly all this time
I live my whole life, 42 years, huge successes, huge mistakes and I get everything, everything I want, dated hot girls, married a hit wife, brought a nice house, have to awesome kids, have a successful business, helped lots of people, I have close friends. Everything I could have asked for, and somethings I didn't know to ask for on top of that.
Then I take shot to the gut, a shot that cuts so deep, cuts so hard and hurts so much that it makes me cry for a week. It all came together, all made sense to quick and hurt all of me, and hurt deep. People think I'm ugly. What? OMG, it all makes sense, the disses, the fake hugs, the not paying attention at times, the not being invited, the comments by family, the comments by co-workers, the comments by my wife. Ouch, a pain so bad, I don't think I cried this much when my dad died.
It just all came together. This is why girls have sarcastically said who can resist me, this is why people thought a hot girl who hit on me was a gold digger, what else could she see. This is why my wife joked that we don't swing because the wives aren't attracted to me. This is why my brother in law and wife go out with good looking couples and don't invite us. This is why a long time employee gave me hugs so fake had to mention. This is why my brother said I don't climb mountains I go through them in his best man speech at my wedding. This is why I felt 3 employees of mine have walked away from me in public. This is why my wife has flirted with people in front of me. This s why my sister in law has made the comment in public, many times, that my wife thought I wasn't physically attractive. This is why people look at me as someone they can use. Maybe they feel I am lucky to hang out with them. This is why friends say silent when I have told them part of what I am feeling. This is also why some people have shown love to me and look past this and are extra nice to me. This is why I'm crying like a hurt little boy as I write this. Because I guess this must all be true. I'm so hurt. I feel so left out, I feel so sad. I feel like there is a world of beautiful people that all get along, all flirt with each other, and I have been on the sidelines, observing. not participating, and missing out on all the looks, all the glances, all the invites, all the flirting.
It hurts so much, It hurts so long, it hurts with no end in sight and so much pain that it has no choice but to be true. It hurts and I cant share, if I share, I speak it, if I share I validate.