Why wont anyone just realize i'm not okay

Lets start with I'm only 15
I would like to say I'm a bit intoxicated... lolz...
I'm just so done...
I've been thinking about suicide and not being here because my thoughts are just so depressing since i was 9.
when i was young i was labeled as having autism
but if you see me now i really am not... and somehow grew out of it.
I was weird as a kid, i saw ghosts, and played alone.
I grew out of that too...
when i was 9 i got addicted to a dumb ass video game...
and here it comes the dumb ass young girl falls in love with boy online,
BUT we weren't... i was 10 when i met him on the game. we were together for four years on and off, it was only on and off because i didn't want to get in trouble or y'know i online cheated... i was just so young... but i was smart enough to know he was a legit kid, he was 19 when i broke it off completely i was done and i was also going into high school.
now my weight has always been up and down...
but starting highschool i was a healthy weight and i looked soo good.
i met a REAL boyfriend and for the first 2ish month i knew he was just for fun...(note i didnt know how bad it was but he's a mad pot head, now he sells it too)
but at home,my mother found a man in her life...(note now he has 6000 kinds of advance cancer and is waiting for his lawsuit for his doctor not telling him so now she still is nice to him b/c when he dies she will possibly get the money) little did she know he was a horrible man.. all i heard after about a year or two of her finding out things about him was yelling and screaming, about how he lies...
took me till now to find out the things he did to her... lets just say there horrible...
it led my mom to be depressed... her always bubbly straight forward attitude was just all angry...
back to the boy..she yelled at me so much and i couldn't handle it..i ended up crying on the bathroom floor one day so my mom decided to bring me to the hospital (afraid i would do something drastic) i couldn't take her anymore i needed to get away and i needed a change, i was admitted into the y'know crazy teen ward for pretty much nothing but the hospital needing money...
when i came back my mom hated me...
but while i was in hospital for 10 days one of the two times i spoke to my mom on the phone my boyfriend showed up... as to return the sweetness of him i gave him my virginity, something i promised to my ex...
its been a year now with him, things are better with my mom but he cant take my depression and my breakdowns of when i cry and can't take it... ( it doesn't help now i gained 20 pounds when i met him so I'm so much more insecure and not convinced i can get a new boyfriend with my shyness and everything inside) i need to get better but whenever i get sad i think about all this... I've slowly gotten over some parts of my life but its soo hard to not sit there and think how f***** up it all is
i just need someone to tell me I'm not over reacting...it might be genetic the depression, but besides that me being sad and a tad bit messed up.
i am happy I'm not psychically abused or raped but seriously... I'm still sad.

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