Not sure if depressed or comfused

I had a wonderful childhood, now that I think back. Carefree and without any worries, I used to play in our garden and was a lively child, always on the move. I don't live in that house anymore.
As a kid I was already afraid of becoming an adult. I know that I must go through adulthood anyway.
My parents are relatively old, between 60-65. I'm 20, by the way. I'm terrified of the thought of losing them or seeing them seriously ill. My mother isn't very healthy and I feel bad for not having the time to go to the doctor with her.
I don't know, but for some reason I cry every day lately. I cry alone in my room and nobody knows that, it's my secret.
Maybe I just need a friend, because my old friends are very busy and we don't meet often. Just once a month, I guess.
I'm in college now and have to move soon. I was looking forward to this first, but now I'll know that I will miss my parents and everything in my small hometown. I wish they could just move away with me, but they don't want to.
I will meet them in the holidays, but that's not enough. They won't have the opportunity to visit me. I feel that I'm the only person being sad about this.
Let's see if I will find this text again in a few years and how things changed.

I just wanted to write this down anonymously somewhere. Thank you for reading.

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  • Hello. I read your post. I just want to say one thing: everything will be fine. You are concerned about your mother's health and that in itself is a sign that you care about her a lot. She will be fine. Like you, I cry too, in my own room. But that's for a different reason. Nobody knows about it. I don't know whether you will ever read this comment or not. I hope you do and I hope that it makes you feel somewhat better that there is someone who heard you and who respects your anonymity. Take care.

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