I'm in love with a 15 year old girl
Okay, first off. I'm NOT a pedophile or anything like that. My taste in woman has risen with my age. I am 30.
Maybe love isn't the right word for what I feel towards this girl. Crush, maybe? (Can 30 year old men have crushes?) All I know is that I have it bad for her.
Her and her family moved in next door this summer. I would see her sometimes, but never really had much interaction with her or anyone in her family. (Her parents are from South Korea, but she was born in America.) When school started up again, she and I would ride the same bus home. (I don't work at the school, but there is a stop right by the school.
I still didn't think much of it and barely noticed her. I get a little wrapped up in myself sometimes. But one day, she asked me if I would walk home with her. (It's about two blocks back to our street from the bus stop.) One of our neighbors has a couple of really mean German Shepherds and she was afraid of them. (They'd gotten out of their yard before and chased her.) Again, not thinking about much about it, I said sure. I was just being neighborly.
So we walked and made a little bit of small talk and made sure the dogs stayed in their yard. And then I went on with my day. The next day on the bus, she sat in the seat opposite of me and again, we talked. Actually, she did most of the talking, I just listened. And that's gone on now since September. Those 25 minutes I spend with her are the best part of my day. And right now, she is the best thing in my life.
I just love everything about her. I love how she's so positive about everything. She has the personality of a Disney princess. I half expect her to break out into song sometimes. I've never heard her say a bad word about anyone, even when she talks about how people pick on her at school. It's just heartbreaking to listen to, and hard to imagine anyone being mean to this sweet girl. She always says, "God loves them, so I will too."
And she is beautiful, Lord help me, she is the most breath-taking creature I've ever seen. I have to remind myself not to stare at her. But some days I just can't help it. I won't be the creepy old man here and describe her looks, other than to say she has eyes that just suck you in and you can't escape.
Before you call Chris Hanson, let me once again state that I have not done anything inappropriate with this girl, nor will I ever. Our conversations have never come close to flirting or s**. Although she says I need to find a wife who will remind me to shave everyday and who will make me lunches so I stop eating fast food. As much as I am emotionally and yes, physically attracted to her, I know better.
But still, my heart leaps when I see her. Even with my last girlfriend, a woman who I pined after for the better part of a year, never made me feel this way. I just wish I could turn off that part of me that's attracted to her. But hopefully this is just a silly little crush and I'll get over it soon.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm not looking for advice, so you can spare me the "Just wait until she's 18" crap. Does that ever actually work out anyway? I just hope that I can find a woman in my age bracket that makes me feel the same way. And I hope she finds someone in her age bracket who feels the same way I do about her, someone who will treat her like the princess she is, and who will treasure every minute spent with her.