To my most wonderful friendcrush
I love you in a really weird, platonic-friendshipy kinda way. Not the i-want-to-make-out-with-you-then-get-in-your-pants way, not in the you're-the-person-i-want-to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with way, no - it's more like i-want-to-play-videogames-with-you-and-watch-movies-and-talk-a-lot way. I want to be your friend, your soulmate, I want to get to know you and the deepest, darkest secrets of your heart. I want to talk about feelings, and be there for you after a bad breakup. I want to be someone for you to be able to rely on, and to rely on you myself. I want to look at your pretty face and think "I've got a great friend". I want to call you in the middle of the night and tell you what I think about things. I want to get you to like all my favorite games and tv shows, and get into yours. I never want to run out of topics for us to discuss, but if we do, I'd be perfectly fine with us just sitting there in silence and thinking, because words aren't always needed. I want you to miss me when I'm away, and I'm sure I will miss you when you are.
But, sadly, I know that it will never be possible. Not with a person like me. Not with a person like you. We are on different wavelengths, we believe in different things and we believe in things differently. Volatile as I am, I will not be able to commit to our friendship, I just know it. I don't want to leave you hanging. To leave you like a toy once loved, but grown out of.
And then there is the feeling that I don't like you, but rather the idea of you. That I'm not taking your own feelings into account, that I objectify you and fetishize you. Stereotype you, even. I'm known for wanting things I don't really need.
A great person like you does not deserve it.
And that's why I'm letting go.