What A Beautiful Rock

I swear this is true and has to be one of the funniest things to happen in someones life.

I used to take a lot of pain medications. One of the side effects of taking so many pain meds is constipation. Well, there was a time that I had not taken a s*** for 2 whole weeks, and was hurting bad to say the least.
I went to the emergency room begging someone to PLEASE help me. However, they did nothing but recommend a certain laxative.

On the way home I stopped by the drug store and bought what was recommended, and took the dose required as soon as I got back to the house. It didn't take long to work and I had to run to the restroom. IT WORKED!, and I thought I was having a baby. It was so big that I almost passed out. The pain was incredible.
Relieved and happy to finally have it over with I was than confronted with another problem. You see, it was so big that there was no way it was going to go down the toilet. So, I took two plastic grocery bags and placed one inside of the other. I than put my hand inside the double bag and reached in and grabbed the large t***. Than I turned the bag inside out so as not to get anything on me, and tied a knot in the bag.
I live in the mountains so I went out back and threw the bag as far as I could into the woods. The ordeal was over at last. Or was it?

As time went on, I would say a few months afterward, my room mates son who was about 6 yrs old at the time was collecting rocks that he would find outside. He had a whole collection of rocks displayed on the wooden porch railing of my house. Well, one day I was sitting outside of the porch having my coffee when he walked up and said, "Hey look at this cool rock I found." It was large and an odd silver color. I said, "Wow, that's really an unusual rock you found. Maybe it's part of a meteor from space." I didn't think anything else about it and he displayed it on the porch rail with the others.
About a week after this someone was at the house and we were all outside on the porch and our guest inquired about the odd rock. This person collected rocks too and wanted to know where my roomies son had found the rock. The boy said, "I found it out in the woods behind the house in a plastic grocery bag."
It was my S***!
I didn't tell him or anyone else about it for over a yr., and for about 6 months until it disappeared I got to see my S*** ROCK sitting on the porch rail with all the other rocks whenever I left or entered the house.
This is always fun to re-tell though a bit embarrass. My room mates son was mortified when he found out. It was just too damn funny.

Feb 6, 2013

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  • Oh this was hilarious!!!

  • That is funny as h***!

  • Best story ever

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