My life

1st off let me start by saying this is not a cry for attention, I'm just asking for help or advise.

Well, my life has been downhill since the day i was born. Let's start with my mom. She became addicted to drugs and alcohol at the age of 13. Then pregnant at 15 with my older sister. By the time I was born she was selling and making drugs in our home. My house was literally a meth lab. Now my dad was never in the picture. Until my mom got 13 years after being caught. When this append i was 4. I moved to my dads and there I had 2 brothers. My dad was physically abusive to all of us and his flip-flopping girlfriends. A year after i lived with them my brothers moved to Florid with there mom. My dad is an acholic and struggled to pay the bills and took his anger out on me. When I turned six he had got a girlfriend that we moved in with. She had two sons. As those years passed by she and my dad physically abused all of us. She was nice to me at first but as i got older and started to hit puberty at age 9, she started calling me a s*** and a w**** and ugly. Insecurity burned inside me. I began cutting to extinguish the pain. My mom released from prison early when I was 11. I've lived with her up till this point still going back and forth from my dads and her house. She has been clean for awhile but still drinks and is always bouncing to abusive boyfriends one of which beat her so bad he killed the baby he impregnated her with. Today I'm 14 years old. I have come to realize it doesn't get better. The only person who has actually helped me has stabbed my heart out. I'm just so done with life, people say i haven't even begun to live but i have and I'm done. I don't feel its worth it. I'm looking for help and advise from anyone. Thanks for reading.

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  • When I was 12 I wanted to be dead, but I was afraid to try to kill myself and fail and get locked up. I saw how miserable everyone around me was, and figured no way could anything in the rest of life make up for how miserable I would have to be for the next six years until I could do what I wanted.

    It turns out, life can be amazing. If you can survive the next 3 plus years you can walk out the door on your 18th birthday and never have to look back. There are good people in the world. You can choose the people you want for your family, people you can trust and who will love you. You aren't stuck with your birth family.

    There is beauty in the world. You will find special friends to share it with. It isn't about material possessions, it is about state of mind. It isn't about what you have done, it is about who you are.

    And being sick of the world, all the pain is the right reaction to it, especially when you are powerless at 14. But when you can, step out of the world and look at alternative lifestyles. Collectives, where everyone is equal. The SCA, science ficton and anime fans, who come together often because they are alienated. Artist colonies. Poetry festivals. Read poetry. Read anything. Write to your favorite authors. Invent yourself, as someone you like, who can have fun, and who isn't bound by your past.

  • I'm not going to lie, while you live with these people your life is probably going to be rough. but know this, it gets better. hang in there, keep in school, and crank out a gpa good enough to get you some kind of scholarship in college, preferably one far the f*** away. I had a s***** home situation too, and this is how I got out of it. Life will get better! Being a teenager sucks, especially with the s*** you've described, but if you hang in their, help yourself, and remember this will all be gone someday soon, you will come out and into your twenties, which will be awesome.

  • Your mom sounds like a right w****. give yourself a break

  • Post an email or any contact and well get someone to help you

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