Well basically all I am thinking about is the next time I can get drunk. The longer it is since I had a drink the more urgent this is, and the bigger my appetite for alcohol. I can stop drinking when necessary, for example on the rare occasions when I can earn money, but this just increases the amount I will drink when I get the chance.
This is like all my life since I started drinking at the age of 16 and discovered how wonderful it was. Now I am older I cannot handle the hangovers and I often think about killing myself.
Needless to say everything in my life is now f··ked up and the bank now wants me to repay what I owe, but I can't.