Help me

There are many support groups out there that can help you. Look for ones in your area. You don't have to suffer alone. I'm very sorry for your loss. I've been there myself. I've lost everyone I ever loved but yet I am still here. The sun will rise tomorrow. The numbness is a sign that you need help right away. Find someone to talk to. Find a hotline. You owe it to yourself. You owe it to your Dad.

What the ** would a support group do for this guy? He needs true help. You need to find peace within yourself, OP. You need to accept your father is dead, and get a grip of yourself. Do you thing your father would like to see you like this? Make him proud by continuing his legacy. Stop doing drugs and grow up! Don't act like an immature orphan, you're better than that! Remember the life lessons he tried to teach you, and try to make him proud. You won't be so alone when you will feel him by your side, just do the right thing.

Jesus can help you. Matt. 11:28

So very sorry for your loss. Your first step would be to stop pretending that you're strong and ask for help. Stop pretending that your life is under control..(no one's is..) and control what you can control. And again, ask for help. That is the only way you'll be able to move forward. Go to a therapist and really begin to grieve your father's passing. It won't be overnight and you'll never forget him, but the days will pass and it will get easier. You'll be able to function and begin to live your life again. The eating disorder and drug addiction are just escapes that aren't helping you. You've already admitted that you need help, so make that very difficult call and get some.