Its Been Over 3 Years

Today i am married, and i have a daughter. I love my daughter with everything i have in me. But i have a secret that no one else knows and i hate admitting to myself. What if....

In 2010 i saw a woman at a small get together at my friends house. I knew this woman was dating my friend J at that time, so i steered clear of her as best as possible throughout the night.
As the night progressed i drank more and more, battling my friends at beer pong and what not. Eventually i was passed out next to the toilet, very dizzy and slightly asleep/dry heaving. Laying on the cold ground i was in and out of sleep and could not concentrate on anything. But at some point i remember someone taking a picture of me, and also resting my head on a nicely folded towel. soon after i was passed out completely.
In the next week i found myself trying to figure out who helped me out by setting a towel under my head, so i could thank them, my friends all said they had no idea who had done it. A week after that i was sent a picture of myself passed out by my unknown towel pillow savior. They sent the picture with an lol attached.
So i text them and said thanks and a few apologies for my behavior, and i asked his/her name. Well she told me her name was V and she said she thought i was cute. V was my friend josh's girl.
Two weeks later we were together and josh was cool with it all.
4 months later we moved in together.
3 months after that i proposed.
We spent every second together, because well... we worked together in the military.
We married in 2008 and deployed that year, together.
We struggled and made it as best we could.
After 9 months we were deployed we were divided into two different units, her unit went to another location. so we only saw each other every 4 or 5 days.
After a month of that, we were fighting and we were heart broken that we missed each other so badly.

1 month before we came home she broke up with me, and filed for divorce. "you are too sweet and i need time" is what she said.
I cant express how much i love her, and how hard i begged and cried and pleaded... in the end i decided if it would make her happy i would commit to her happiness.

we divorced in 2010 (late) and i have yet to see or talk to her since

My confession is: i still love her, want to be with her, miss her being in my arms, and no woman can replace her and i know that.
I wish i knew how she felt, if she ever changed her mind, if she was too proud to say she was wrong?
Am i pathetic? do i need to move on? What should i do with the fact that its been 3 years and i still think of her everyday.

1 Comment

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  • Yes you are pathetic, and so am I. Kind of in a similar situation. But you are human we are all weak and scared in our own ways. Maybe you will find love again someday. I hope you do.

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