I think I'm in love.. with my bestfriend..

I think I'm in love with my bestfriend. He makes me smile and tingle inside like when I was in love before. Maybe its just that I may like him. He's so nice and sweet to me. He says he's in love with me but feels that when he tells me it hurts me. It doesn't. But I feel, kind of trapped. I told him id try out having a relationship, I said id live with him for a bit. Id hurt him deep if I backed out. But I don't want to be his girl. That will ruin our friendship like it did to my last "bestfriend" who turned into my bf. Who turned into and abusive douche. And now I hate him. Why can't it just be like now forever. Why can't we just be bestfriends forever. But I can't say its all him. Like I don't sometimea fantasize of our first time. I feel ashaned (/.\). But his green eyes are perfect. And he's the only one I trust. So why do I shove anything I feel in the pit of my stomach.? Because I know deep down I will hurt him. And I know deep down that will hurt me. And it won't work. And I won't be hurt again. I want to be single forever I think. I'm scared. Idk nvm.

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