I am lost

I am a 40 year old loser. I am completely lost. I have no girlfriend, no wife, no children, no family. Barely any friends. I have a crappy dead end job. I live in a basement apartment. I am beyond pathetic. I have a college degree and have to pay off the loans with my measly salary. I have a crappy car. This is not where I pictured I would be at my age. I don't even have any interest in finding a decent job or choosing a career. I am terrified of change. I don't have many plans for the future. I used to suffer from depression but it's just turned into apathy. I want so desperately for someone to love me and actually care about me but I don't do anything to try to find someone. Besides who would want a loser like me anyway? Oh I also have a micropenis. I am pathetic.

Jul 4, 2014

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  • How can you say you want someone if you don't even love your self !
    you need to stop beating yourself down ...ok
    You want a better job what about the degree you got from collage what did you study for and can u get a job doing that ?
    Maybe you need to go on some meds. for your depression I don't know but maybe see a doctor and get that checked out .
    Start taking care of yourself , eat better get sleep , exercise , once you start feeling better you will be a man on a mission and find a lady .
    You can do it !

  • The degree I have there is not much you can do with just a bachelor's. I'm sure I'd be making more money at the job I have no. I think it's possibly for someone to love me even if I don't love myself. I see so many people with partners or spouses that treat them like crap and they tolerate it. Obviously they don't love themselves yet they find people to be with. I need someone who will accept my many flaws.

  • I hope you understand that what everyone means by saying you need to love yourself in order to invite love in, is that the face of positivity and happiness invites the same into your life. That doesn't mean you're not going to be happy all the time or it's easy work. But you at least have to be on board to work on yourself. When you say you want a girlfriend, what are you looking for? Maybe you would be alright with it, but most people don't list flaws, depression, angry, sad, uncaring as their must haves in their search for their significant other. You need a woman who brings out the best of you, and you her. You can't just settle for someone because you don't want to be alone. Sort of what it sounds like. Because you witness other couples treating one another with disrespect you'll take anything. Lots of couples fight. Most likely, their relationships didn't start out that way. And your relationship does not have to be like that. But you have to get to a place where you can put yourself out there. If you're not out, being seen and going up to women, dating online and being proactive about your search - she's not just going to magically appear at your door. Seriously, dating is like finding a job. You have to send out applications, get rejected and then finally you find a good fit. It is discouraging. Given what everyone has written in response to your post. What things have you been doing to improve your life? Looking for a new job? Exercising? Thinking and talking positively. None of this is easy. Your situation could be tons worse. Not sure what you consider to be flaws, but stop calling them that and consider them unique characteristics that make you who you are. Fix what you can and accept what you can't. But if you don't do anything to change where you are and just want to sit and complain..guess that's up to you. But wouldn't it be better to take an active part in changing your life?

  • You certainly do give good advice and everything you said is right. I am on a dating site and have reached out to women I found attractive. They didn't respond. The ones who contacted me first either ended up cancelling or I simply wasn't into them. But at least I'm somewhat out there. I will try to join some groups to meet people. I do exercise...I enjoy walking and hiking. I know it takes times. But one major flaw I have is my condition (ie resulting in a micropenis) and yes I really do have one. So that makes it even harder for me to try to find someone. Most women wouldn't be able to deal with the condition I have. Yeah it makes me unique but it's not in a good way.

  • Lol. Well it's always easier to give advice than to take it, right? Good for you for putting yourself out there! Don't feel rejected when they don't reply. It's so easy to say..what's wrong with me? But nothing is wrong with you. It's them. Consider it a blessing. They aren't right for you and it's their loss. What about some of the women who contacted you..totally not willing to even try? I get you have to be attracted to someone, but sometimes it could be worth it to give someone a chance. I mean you could just meet over coffee. I say this because I met my bf through a friend of a friend, and I didn't think anything of him. I actually thought he was sort of annoying. He was just not my type. But he asked for my number and convinced me to meet for coffee. I thought the worse that would happen is that I will have gained a new friend. Now what I thought was annoying is endearing. lol. So, you never know. The micropenis.. you know I get that it's something that makes you insecure. I guess for guys it really is different where your member is concerned. I think you have to approach it as if you're with a woman, she's going to like you, for you. And there are so many other things you can do stimulate a woman. We also look for other things as well. And if a woman leaves you because of that, then she is obviously someone you don't want to be with. I know it's not that easy. But trust me, women are insecure as well. And we have things that we don't want you to see or know about and can't change. Sometimes if you call attention to something, it makes that so much worse than it really is.

  • You, I'm better at giving advice than following it, lol. But again, yes everything you said is good advice. The truth is that I don't have a hole lot of "dating" experience. Even just putting myself out there was hard. I was totally willing and ready to meet the one person who contacted me who I would have gone out with (even though I wasn't attracted I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do it) but she came up with an excuse at the last minute. I know it's a game. The whole dating scene is a game and for someone like me it's really rough. Insecure is an understatement. I've told myself everything you said from a woman's perspective-if she's really into me she will look past it. but still, the fear is there. But I am trying. good thing are happening for me. I finally got a new apt one which isn't so dumpy. Maybe better things will happen socially for me now too. I know women are insecure, too but year when that area is concerned for guys, it's really tough. Like I'm carrying this little secret (pun intended). But if someone is into me I'll give it a chance. I've gotten this far. I've had relationships in the (distant) past. I'm happy you gave your bf a chance & things worked out. I can tell you are a wonderful person just by writing to me-an anonymous total stranger on the inter, and giving me advice. your bf is lucky to have you. Maybe one day I'll get lucky and find the right woman for me. I hope!

  • Congrats on the new apartment! That's exciting. New place, new you, new outlook :-). You're right, things are coming together for you. Don't even dwell on how much dating experience you have or don't have. Everyone is different and you don't have to justify that to anyone. I've done the online thing. I get it. It's painful, humorous and fun..all rolled together. It's hard to put yourself out there. Dating is really like looking for a job. Eventually you get hired. Don't worry about that one girl and don't think that she gave you an excuse because she didn't like you. She could also be super insecure and was afraid of what you were going to think..it's on to the next. You will get lucky. Just stay positive, even when you're not feeling it. Trust me, I know it's hard. We're always hardest on ourselves. I have to say one good thing about getting older is that you begin to care less and less what others think. You're very kind. And I'm glad I could help a little. I totally get being stuck..it's hard. Great things are coming your way. All those doubting (maybe, hopefully) and negative (can't, won't, no) words, take out of your vocabulary. And you will get lucky, believe that. You deserve it. Post here again for updates :-)

  • Thank you again. I will post any updates here. It's true, with age comes the realization that what other people think doesn't really matter. The only person's opinion who is ever truly going to matter is our own. I will keep putting myself out there (hard as is it). Once I get settled in my new apartment I'll dive headlong into it. Just moving into a new and hopefully better place is a big change. I will make change happen. I hope only good things happen for you too! You are the one who is kind ;)

  • All those things you want, you can still have. Like anything..it does takes work, time and effort. And when you feel stuck and lost, where do you start? Because the idea of doing something seems overwhelming. Start with what you can control. Start changing the smallest things in your life and that can bring about bigger impacts. First thing to do is to stop talking about yourself negatively. You are not a loser and you are not pathetic. That just keeps you feeling down. And it's a double edged sword because you have to love and care for yourself in order to invite that into your life. If you aren't already exercising and eating right, start. Exercise and eating healthy, drinking water, getting enough sleep are proven to make you look and feel good. If you have time, sign up for a running team or whatever you like to do..you can make some friends in there possibly. Also it can help with any depression you may be dealing with. This is a process, so don't get disappointed or upset if you don't see results immediately. The better you feel and look will give you so much more confidence that you'll want to put yourself out there. In the interim, start looking for another job. Update your resume, linkedin, start networking..put it out there that you're looking. Remember your good at what you do. Maybe a therapist or even a life coach would help you because your friends don't sounds as though they know how to support you. All these great things will come to you, but you have to put the effort out there.

  • Thanks and you're right. I have put some efforts in but it's very discouraging when things don't turn out like I hope. Then I fall back into the depression cycle and have to pick myself up. I can say though that I have picked myself up many times and life has given me some doosies. I'm still here though. I keep telling myself that as long as there is tomorrow there is always hope. I just need to really feel it inside. It would make it so much easier if I had the love, friendship and support in my life that I can only dream of. One day maybe.

  • Out of everyone YOU know, there is NO ONE you can talk with?

  • Sure there's people I CAN talk to but the few times I tried only made me feel worse. They either don't truly care or just try to turn it around to make it about them. I am surrounded by shallow, immature people who I'm not really close with. Have you ever tried spilling your guts to someone who you knew just didn't really care or couldn't possibly understand? Let me tell you it isn't fun. I know I have to find better people and expand my social circle but it isn't easy.

  • Yeap. There are people out there. You just need to get out. Suggestion...volunteer there are a lot of great people that volunteer.

  • Then a brother or sister. You really need to talk with someone.

  • Believe me I wish I had someone who I could truly talk to but I don't.

  • Hey man, don't be to h****** yourself. You need to have a good talk with someone. Even your parents, it is a start. Okay.

  • Thank you for your response. You are absolutely right, I do need to have a good talk with someone. I wish I could talk to my parents but they've both been dead for years.

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