I really want to die
I am lazy as f***. Okay, let me run down the whole act for you. I am currently a freshman in college, and I am a horrible person.
1) I identify as gay, and I have had s** with 8 guys. All of which I give somewhat attention to. I mostly don't care for them, since I find them kind of boring, and I don't have any chemistry with them. I sometimes lie to them, to make me desirable.
2) I lie to my parents to go with these guys, and to make things seem functional. I try to impress my parents with lies about me in school and in life, so they don't have to worry about me. But, now I may have HIV, and I don't want to risk anyone with anything.
3) I am literally f****** up my future. I'm in an expensive college, and it's taking my money. I'm failing classes. Procrastinating a lot. Feel depressed I get nothing done from procrastinating. And don't care about the work. I want to draw, but.. That's not what I'm doing.
I am tired of lying, feeling useless, and depressed. I want to change, but, that's not all the worst part. Besides being a s*** to guys I don't want to have s** with. Lying to parents. Being useless in school. I'm going to kill myself if I'm positive. I been through enough disappointments in life, I'm not going to live with that one.