Childhood Torment

When I was in grade one, I was a very friendly person, and I couldn't bear the thought of someone disliking me or having to end a friendship. My best friend was a girl who we are going to call Emma. Emma, me and another very quiet girl I'll call Marigold, were 'best friends', I guess. But while Marigold hardly ever said anything, Emma was very mean to me. She was the 'leader' of our little group. She always chose the roles in the games we played, and she always like Marigold more than me. Emma had a twisted mind for someone in grade one. She always included, um, human waste? In the games she made for us to play. I was in grade one so I didn't understand how wrong it was to accept these games. I thought it was normal, what every kid did. I don't know what happened, but Emma started to decide that she hated me. She even turned my best friend to this day away from me. (I met her in grade one, but we weren't best friends then. We got closer in grade two.) one day, I went to Emma's house after school. It was ok, she wasn't very nice, but ok. And then I don't remember what I did, but I ticked her off, and she pushed me. I was shocked, I didn't expect this from anyone, especially not my best friend! Then she pushed me again and I fell, and then she kicked me. I didn't know how to defend myself or what to do. All I could do was cry. Then she told me to get up, and I did, and we went back to whatever we were doing, me being very upset. But I still haven't told anyone about this, it scares me and I don't know what to do. I still have very bad nightmares, and I am against bullying very much. I got beat up in grade four again by one of my friends that I didn't like much, again when I went to her house. I also haven't told anyone about that. I'm very scared of choosing another bad friend, because I am in grade nine now, close to grade ten, and if it happens again they could inflict more severe damage. I have learned to defend myself now, and I have much better friends, who are shy and would never hurt anyone. But now. Erasure of my past I have grown up to be a bit aggressive, and I hate that I am but I don't know how to not be. I'm not mean and I don't hurt people but sometimes I think that some people are a little bit scared of me. I am very short and not many people like me because I'm annoying and I know I am, (I get hyper very easily and can be crazy) but the people who do like me I am happy with being they're friend. I know this is a really gross story and I'm sure it hasn't been pleasant reading it, I didn't have much fun writing it, but I hope that someone can give me advice, because lately I've been getting more and more depressed, because my friends always leave me out (third wheel problem, but I'm always the third wheel) and sometimes they will unintentionally be mean to me. I know that they don't mean to but I'm really worried that I might get very depressed, and last year I cut myself. I've stopped now but I'm getting more depressed as the year goes on. My home life sucks, im having problems with school, and I feel left out with my friends. I want to help myself but I really don't know how. Please give me advice!

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  • I am so sorry to hear that. I can only say that I can empathise with you. In middle school I so wanted to be in the in crowd. The queen bee knew it. She abused me and got the others to abuse me. Basically she instructed me to wear a skirt and would sit beside me in class or assign someone else to sit beside me and the would touch me up. I sat there quietly passively. If I tried to stop her she would warn every one to freeze me out. Then no one would talk to me. They would just ignore me totally and act as if I was not there. I have never told my parents or anyone except here but it eats me to this day.

  • You don't need to put ur self in a situation like that. If they are really ur friends then u wouldn't be a third wheel. U have had many hardships but don't worry. If u always look toward the bright side in life everything will turn better and I know that personally. When u go out with friends make sure there's an even number if people just in case because u might get left out if there's an odd number. When ur at home try not to lock ur self in ur room by ur self.try to talk to ur family at least 30 min. each day. Also in school try to focus more on school work than friends. Friends come naturally in time just try to do good in school to impress ur parents and so u have a better future. Don't worry I'm not an adult I'm 14 but I know how bad it can get. Also each day try to remember something happy for about 5 min and u will feel better. And remember u r NEVER EVER ALONE. Friends and family will help. Hope u have luck in the future and my advice helps. Good luck!!!;)

  • Sorry to hear how you feel. Good luck!

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