Longt time affair
I have been married to my HS sweetheart for 19 years. In those 19 years we have had 2 children (16 & 17 now) and he has become an alocoholic with a horrible work ethic (10 jobs and counting). He has depended on me for emotional and financial support from the start (I was given his checks and paid all bills) At the time, I didn't mind, I was taking care of my man and it was something I thought a wife should do. My point to all that is he is very dependent on me, so much so that I see him as a child most of the time. 8 Years ago, a man whom I have adored since I was a little girl (he is 5 years older and was like my best friend growing up because our moms were best friends) asked me to help him with a job. We had stayed in touch somewhat and he was married but I hadn't heard from him in awhile. I agreed and in the months we spent on this job we ended up starting an affair. I had always had feelings for him (there were many times as children that we "played Dr" or had other intimate (not sexual) moments but the age gap was too much)and I found out that he had feelings for me as well. After about 9 months the job was over and I ended the affair, there was just too much guilt. 3 years later he saw me in passing and began contacting me again, wanting to restart the affair. I was very unhappy with my husband, he was only working part time because of his drinking and he was treating me like garbage, I didn't want to leave because of the kids but I wanted to feel what I felt with this other man again so I went back to the affair. Fast forward to today. We are both still married but both are very unhappy. We have carried on this affair for a total of 8 yrs now and we are in love. We have been through a lot in these 8 yrs including some really hard times where we were driven apart, but we always manage to be drawn back together. The longest time we went without seeing each other was 2 months. Now I have to decide if I want to leave my husband to try for a life I very much want with this other man or stay because I know that if I leave it would devastate my husband. Plus my kids are just getting ready to start their lives and my other man has kids that are younger too. Just very confused on what to do. I don't want to miss a chance with this man but I also hate the thought of hurting my kids and even my husband.