I hate my father

Well this isn't really a confession, it's my life that only a few of my friends know about. So me, I'm a 14 yr old girl and I have a disabled younger sister. And a mum and a father that hates me. It started when my sister was born. I was 6 and he would blame me and tell me it was all my fault she was born like that. I would often cry and ppl would ask me what was wrong and I would wipe away my tears and say nothing. He lives my sister and always hugs and kisses her. I remeber I was home alone with her. I was 7. She then puked on the floor and I didn't know what to do so I just left it there. Then my father came home and he was really mad at me he called me all sorts of names like f****** b****** and stuff like that. He then strangled me and lifted me by my neck and put cushions in my face when I cried. I remeber even ehen I was 6 and played with my toys and made a mess he would punch me in my face till my nose and lips would bleed. He broke so many of my toys. Never with any apology afterwards. My mum was at a parents meeting at around that time and she spoke to the teacher who said I had difficulty concentrating. I had a few problems then with cutting and drawing and stuff but my mum didn't care. She pulled my ear and then there was a bleeding crack on it. I was so upset. I had noone to talk to. I remeber times when I closed the car boot to loud and he would just put the windows down and swear at me and drive off. I would have to walk home for an hour from the shops. Sometimes he would dig his fingetnails into my leg till I had deep blue grooves. I have had suicidal thoughts when I wrote a bad grade because he would scream at me so horribly.( I go to grammar school in 9th grade now.)This christmas I had a cold but I played with my sister. He then told me to get away from her because she has a weak immune system. So I went away, but that wasn't enough for him. He ran after me and said: you f****** moron I told you to stay away. Then he punches me in face and I run crying into the bathroom. I hade a huge bump on my head. Then my mum came home and saw this. She was really mad at my father and he threatened to leave her. (he even said that he never touched my face and I did it to myself. Yeah seriously...) but she didn't believe him. Then he says I'm going bye! You keep the kids. But he normally stays at home looking after my disabled sister. And if he left my mum would lose her job so she begged him to stay. He stayed.. guess who got the blame for the argument. .. yep all my fault. The other day I spilled some juice on the table and he freaked out and scratched my arm. I still have scratches on it. And guess what happened today. So I am at home today from school with a cold. And I also have a bad throat so I look for some sweets. I find a tin of sweets that I gave him for christmas. The tin was open so I eat one. Then he walks by and says whats that smell?!@ I panick and tell him the truth. He then grabs the tin and throws them all over the floor like a baby. Then he throws them down the toilet. He then bungs it up. This is just so annoying! Why does he hate me so much?! He even beat me in my grandmas house when she wasn't looking, because I spilt some tea on my trousers. What should I do? Why is he so messed up?!


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  • My father was foul to me and doted on my disabled brother (who had the good sense to be born with the right bits). Father is long dead, as is the rest of the family, and I am now my brother's caregiver. (We get along well, so it's nbd)

    I'm almost 50 and am still crippled by the way my father treated me growing up, even though he's long dead. At least this is happening to you in an era where there is actual help available for someone in your situation. I had no one and nothing, which is the main reason I'm still wrestling with this instead of just living life. So you've got that advantage. Use it.

  • I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Abuse changes who someone is at their core. Please know that nothing you do or say warrants someone (anyone) hitting you or hurting you..EVER. As much as you try to reason or figure out why your father acts and treats you the way he does, you may never find the answer that your looking for, or even accept it should he ever say something. You have some courses of action that you can take. You should be documenting his abuse. If he bruises you or anything, take a picture. You first should ask if you can live with your grandparents or aunts on uncles. You need to get out of that house. If there is no family that can take you and your mom refuses to leave him. Then really it's about your protecting yourself. Call the cops, file a report against him. This is where the documentation comes in. Record him. If it's on tape, he will be in big trouble. It will either be you will be removed from the home or he will be. But maybe that's what needs to happen to keep you safe. Because it doesn't sound like your mom is doing that.

  • I am a 63 year old man, and I still resent my father's negelect. My experience was no where near as bad as your experience. The important thing to know is that this IS NOT YOUR FAULT! It is his. I pride myself on the fact that I am now a well respected father, and I know that my sons will never feel this way towards me. When the time comes, you will be a wonderful mother and "MOM" because you have had this critical experience. You will be fine as long as you realize that YOU do not want to follow this harsh example.

  • You can't change him. Look for love somewhere else

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