Low down dirty shame...

Twelve years ago I met this guy(let's call him Mr. Big Head); he was arrogant and bad and everything I never needed. Did I mention I was 17-18 and he was... 16. To be honest he just seemed older and I didn't care- it was passionate, crazy, f****** fantastic. Sigh we just we made to fit together, but I lived fast and was on to the next pulse he didn't seem to want anything serious. Fast forward I currently am in a serious engament/ relationship with a different man; who I have a child with and that's been the last 9 years. Love him, great guy, amazing father & he loves me. I did.. Until he decided It was okay to strangle, hit, berate me about four or five years back, things are different now though. So you're caught up with him; now back to mr. big head- 2011 he hits me up. I respond back blah blah, I blew it off after he re responded. Didn't think much of it, but in 2012 he gets ahold of me again; this time with a very motivated tactic... He made it very clear he was doing more than trying to say hi. I resisted; even though things were reay falling apart in my relationship with my fiancé, I stood firm - I wasnt s cheater, I wasn't giving up, that wasn't me. 2013 rolls around and I find myself talking more and more with me B.H. And yes eventually f****** him and a lot. God was it good. Fiancé deserved to know ... I tell & promise never again. 2015 I'm pregnant w/ mr B.h.'s Baby and still with fiancé and he has no clue it's not his child. I'm a price of s***, but do I tell the world- oh and big head wants me to be with him. Help- I have no judgment but I love them both .. What to do?

Apr 20, 2015

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  • Get out of engaged situation - if you have that child and pretend it's his it will end badly, and you'll have wasted years of finding a healthy relationship.

    Also, you need to use birth control IUD's last for up to 4 years and you won't get sick from it!

    You're digging yourself into a never ending hole of debt and responsibility, STOP.

    If you cannot support yourself check with local agencies for help and advice!

    That abuse will get worse! Get out now!

  • The biggest concern is that your current fiance has beat you once before. There is never any acceptable reason for anyone to lay a hand on anyone. Now is a really good time to be honest with yourself. Are the telltale signs of an abuser there? Is he controlling? jealous? possessive? Does he have an anger problem? Because love does not equal abuse. There are some men who escalate the abuse once you are married, they look at you as a possession. Not saying that is your path, but something to be aware of. If he is abusing you, leave. If you need any reason or motivation - look at your child. Loving him won't stop the abuse and your child should never bear witness to that. You can work out a co-parenting plan and not be together. As for B.H. Maybe he is a good/better option. But not immediately. Do not jump from one relationship to another. That's not healthy. You need to get over one relationship before really starting another one. And again, you have a child that shouldn't be introduced to another man unless it's serious. So tell B.H. to wait. He's waited this long, if it's meant to be, he can wait awhile longer. Again, this is just an opinion. You have to do what's best for you and your child. You have to provide a safe and secure home for a child. This shouldn't be who you are going to date or be with because you are afraid to be alone or because something will be hard.

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