I'm Pretty Sure I'm Crazy but Whatever.

So I'm still trying to figure out a way to drop this in everyones lap.
I dont fully relate to anyone about anything. the one person who finds me every four years or so usually makes me believe they want me and then they always eventually dont.
In the past few months I've lost about 4 people. 2 for no good reason. One just died. and One I question.
This one in question has this desire to be extremely sexually humiliated. Only problem with that is... I really can do it. But It would take for me to mentally become someone else. That would be fine, only the last person I shacked with turned out to be in love with this part of me and not me for real. Also being in that state of mind takes a toll on my body and my mind. Other than that, shes emasculating during the day yet wants me to "get revenge" at night for it. Idk but its tough to get hard for someone who has legitimately p***** you off that day. I'm just not entirely into the BDSM thing but I am into being into what my partner is. So part of me feels like me not being enough is my fault because I'm just not that extreme off the bat. She says she doesnt know ho to teach me to dominate her. I told her bullshit. Who doesnt know how to tell their partner what they want? Just 2 practice runs, 3 max and I couldve been good at it. She doesnt see it that way. WHen I say we can work on it, she says If youre not naturally into it then I dont want you to do it. I told her I wasnt when we first met. She told me she would try to teach me.
I hear things and yes I do kinda hear voices but now I'm wondering why every girl always finds a way to leave me and I only try to be the best boyfriend I can be. And now shes having s** left and right and magically feels prettier than she was when she was with me.
Listening to all these voices tell me to kill myself and folding my arms because Im not gonna do it. I'm just tuck with this f***** up life. Maybe I am a m********.

Report this

2 Comments

  • newest
  • oldest
  • most replies
  • most popular
  • First things first: hearing voices usually means schizophrenia; do not be alarmed, I have met several people with it and even dated a guy once who has it. You can get medication for it, but you have to take it daily.

    Secondly, you need a sweet girl not a dominatrix!

  • Killing yourself is definitely not the answer to any problem. And staying in this relationship doesn't sound all that gratifying. Maybe you need to see who you are and be honest with yourself instead of conforming to someone else's likes and dislikes, because that sounds like that's causing you some trouble too. Because you are enough, maybe not for this one..but for someone else - definitely. And it certainly wouldn't be so hard. But really, the answer may be in allowing yourself to grieve your losses. 4 in one month, whether they died or you are no longer speaking to them is really traumatic. Please talk to someone and take care of yourself.

Account Login
Signup
Is this post inapropriate?
Is this comment inapropriate?
Delete this post?