Early in life I was the victim of domestic abuse at the hands of my step dad. Beatings when he was drunk, locked in closets and small spaces for no reason, dragged out of bed at night by my hair. Things I've blocked out that I don't want to remember. It's interesting being afraid of certain things and knowing it's because of things you can't remember, things blocked off from memory.

I'm well adjusted now. Years of therapy helped and you'd never know about my past if you met me aside from a few social quirks like being quiet and a little awkward, not always knowing what to say, sometimes not being able to empathize with people, hating to be in big crowds but not remembering why I hate big crowds. Despite that I consider myself happy and sane. I'm a passivist and very laid back. I've even been described as the highest pothead that's never smoked pot. I hate drugs and alcohol because I've lived through what they do. I've put my past behind me and never looked back.

Tonight my girlfriend broke up with me. She said that she's afraid of what my past could make me do. I feel so unwanted and insecure. I feel like my past is coming back to haunt me. I feel like I'll never be able to tell anybody about my past because they will think I'm going to hurt them. I don't understand why I have to pay for my past all over again. So many questions too. Did she see something about me that I can't see? Am I really dangerous or a threat?

I feel so numb. I need to build something. I build things and work with my hands to escape. I'll buy a model in the morning.


  • newest
  • oldest
  • most replies
  • most popular
  • Comment below is correct, I had a narcissistic mother, and know exactly what you're talking about. I work with children now and they love me - I can see sadness in a child's eyes when others cannot. I am also a mother, and I vowed never to be like mine was and I'm not! I protect my child, provide for my child, Love my child; I put my chikd first always!
    You're ex is rotten to say something like that - sometimes his puts us through such things so we can recognize it and help others! You deserve better, don't doubt yourself! Chin up!

  • She was looking for an excuse to break up with her. She not the one. It's better you found out now than later. My mother beat us when we were younger and my husband didn't think I'd be a bad mother because of my childhood. Many have said I'm a good mother. So don't be afraid to tell your gfs your background. It's the one who shows empathy and support who's the right one.

  • What a b****. Sure you may have had terrible experiences in the past but she should try to help you not desert you

  • That's so awful of her. You don't deserve that at all. It's a blessing in disguise that someone like that is out of your life. There is someone out there who will love you and cherish you even more to make up for your mistreatment in the past!

Account Login
Is this post inapropriate?
Is this comment inapropriate?
Delete this post?