Life or...

I'm having another one of those days where I don't know why I'm even here.

I've been struggling because I work really hard for my community, and I feel overlooked and insignificant.

It is a hard balance because even before I started helping, I saw those who volunteered and became important in the community, and then they began to gloat. They acted boastful, then they started giving themselves these self-proclaimed titles and acting just so self-important.

I never wanted to be like that.

So I worked twice as hard, I still do. When not many people noticed, I felt safe at first. I felt like this would help me to stay humble and more genuine. It gave me a pure state of mind to work with, that I could continue what I do and not feel like it was just for glory.

After awhile, I started noticing a colleague of mine getting lots of praises, and much of it was for my work. This bothered me a little but I chose to ignore it.

Then I would see him bragging occasionally or conveniently mentioning "all he has done for the community" right upon meeting people. And it got to a point where because he was so vocal and I never said a word, that he has been credited with nearly all of my work. It bothered me at first but I chose not to let it bother me.

Then, I worked with a friend on a personal issue. My colleague is also friends with this friend..

So I have talked to the friend about the issue whenever they open up to me anot or and they always felt better about it. I even offered a couple times to share resources of mine and help them one on one with their issue. They said maybe.

My colleague one day ended up pushing the person into accepting the help, and they took it. They used the resources I possesed, and I worked with them one on one.

The when all was said and done, the friend credited my colleague with their growth as a person. They credited my colleague and said they were their influence.

This was the straw that broke the camels back. I felt so discouraged and so insignificant. I felt like I didn't matter.

This friend meant a lot to me and I really thought I made a difference in their life, and I felt so special about it. I didn't even need any glory or anything like that, I didn't need or want anything from them.. I just felt like their was a mutual knowing between us. And like I had shared in something that truly matters in this world.

When they credited my colleague, I realized nothing I did mattered.

I wonder if anything I does even matters. I feel like a waste of space, I feel invisible and non-existent.

I extremely depreased and struggling really badly to manage these feelings on my own.

I don't want anyone to know about it and I don't even know if I have a right to be upset. I don't think anyone should have to alter their actions because of my feelings.

I don't even feel like it's worth trying anymore.

I feel like I just want out.

Oct 9, 2015

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  • I used to help my friends and family but got used. The more I helped them, the more they handed me their problems. I got blamed by "enabling" them and none of them helped me when I needed it. So I dropped all of them and started to enjoy myself by spending my time to find ways to make myself happy. I stopped giving my family my money and spent it on myself instead. I love my life now. Only you know what makes you happy. You've helped other people. Now it's your turn to help yourself and not be unhappy like you are feeling now.

  • It's obvious that as much as you want to help, you want to be acknowledged for your efforts. Even if you say you don't. You agreed to help out and contribute and sometimes recognition of your efforts is not part of the deal. It's most likely appreciated. You either have to let this go or speak up and be recognized. Maybe work for a different organization. As for the friend you offered advice to. That can happen with anyone. You can spend hours listening and offering advice and they may never take it. Don't let it get to you. If you like to help people, then you have to accept that not everyone will take your advice or realize your contribution. What is it about that particular co-worker that is getting to you? That he takes the credit? Unfortunately, there are people like that in this world in every industry. It's not fair, but unless you speak up and make it known what your contribution is someone else may swoop in and take the glory. Regardless, you need to talk to someone - don't let this make you depressed.

  • Do what makes you happy! People come and go, hang in there.

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