As much as I want him i've got to somehow move on.

There is a guy at my workplace who I have fallen for big time, myself more than him with me i'm convinced since I don't think he realises what it was that got m attention in the first place, he just got chatting to me one day and what people around me have said is him complaining I actually see as someone who is actually really caring, wants to do their job well and is frustrated that there is colleagues who don't care and don't want to do more to sort out the situation. Anyway, I gifted him chocolate which I put in his pigeon hole as I was worried that he didn't feel his work was appreciated and to make him feel supported but as the days went past after this conversation I began to realise more and more about him from what he was telling me and it has just hit me like a train, on top of this i've always felt some strange connection between us when we have briefly talking going past each other, I even joked to my ex last year about him because my ex was saying to me 'you will find someone' and I said 'well I don't really socialise so it would have to be at work and at my work place in my job position it wouldn't be a teacher and teachers generally think they're above cleaners, so it would have to be another cleaner and there is very rarely male cleaners, so that leaves someone in a different role and that since there is very few my sort of age range that would be Mr W. and that wouldn't happen in a million years'.
Well ever since this happened he at first was trying to work out for almost a week who gave him the chocolate, I was going to own up during our next conversation but we were so busy talking about various things it escaped me, I was just too into the conversation at the time and he had to start work and I had to go home after my shift. But I think he soon realised it was me, he may have looked back and thought how attentive I was, listening to everything he had to say and possibly the concern I had on my face, I don't know, but I think he just worked it out and then that is when he started to look at me when he would be finishing for the day and putting equipment back in cupboards opposite the building I work in.
I am convinced he really is into me but having done some careful digging unfortunately he has a girlfriend who he has been with for over two years, i'm guessing is that things may have got boring as they do and/or that because of my gifts and attention in general (though that hasn't really happened as of late) he has become distracted and felt like he was being appreciated in a way he has not felt in some time.
So he is still staring at me, though he does try to shield it and only do so when he thinks i'm not aware, i've never had anyone stare at me the way he does, he now addresses me by my first name and speaks more softly but we've not had a proper conversation since the last time when I was going to own up to the chocolate. I can tell ever since he has (a trusted work colleague dropped a hint) found out that I am interested in him that he has been nervous, intimidated by me but also no doubt feels torn because he has a girlfriend. He has blown hot and cold and I think he is purposefully distancing himself more to protect himself and what he has which I respect but I feel it in my gut that he is highly interested in me and has been took aback by it all perhaps.
Another thing is a work colleague of mine found out he is trying to lose weight with his girlfriend (wish I didn't give the chocolate now haha) and I don't think it's working out between them in terms of them/her focusing on themselves and reaching their goals and he has caved in to treats (seen them on his desk, one of my colleague saw him have a big mac in the morning once and saw him accept flapjack and brownie off someone in his team), he has seen (though hardily anyone at work has complimented me oddly about this) that ever since I started working there that I keep losing weight and have made a noticeable drop since and I think this is also piqueing his interest because I think he seems more bothered about losing weight than her by the sounds of things.
I think he wants to talk to me, he has tried but because i'm somewhat nervous also and also not much good at conversation especially small talk (i'd rather just get straight into deep stuff). I was finishing up cleaning his office space one day and he just entered and he was trying to log in to his account on his computer and was saying how he had forgotten his password and I think that was him trying to say that my presence has him in a complete bundle of nerves, there was one day he was particularly staring at me as I was about to leave and walk past him and I think he wanted me to look back more (I wasn't in a good frame of mind that day) but because I didn't he didn't probably feel like I was open to conversation.
I guess if things are meant to be they will be but it's sad how we are being doofases and not really talking though there are limited times to do so and maybe he feels awkward about it because this is happening at work and perhaps he wouldn't want any staff seeing that we're being friendly incase that causes issues.
I'm at this point where I'm exasperated with thinking and feeling, I obviously can't do anything about the situation and i'm not into homewrecking or anything casual neither am I going to be a rebound for that matter. I know it is important that I must stay focused on myself but I am finding it difficult to stay focused no matter how busy I keep myself, weekends are hard because I have more time to myself and with how busy work is at the moment I want to relax but I can't and all I wish is for his company if even for an hour and to talk more.

May 26

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  • Girl if you want this guy pull his d*** out and do something with it that will make him want you. Guys want to c**. Everything else is just the road to get there. Don’t get me wrong we want love and meaningful relationships but that is something you work for in time. In the beginning we just want to see if the s** is good .

  • Sometimes you have to go for what you want and for what feels right. If it works it works. If not, then nothing lost. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Good luck.

  • DEADFAGSSOCIETY
    FAGBASHER1389

  • PALOOOOOOOMOREDEADEXMUSLIMSOOOOOOOOOOOOKILLTHEPAJEETOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  • PALOOOOOOOOOBASHATRANNYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKILLTRANNIESKILLTRANNIESOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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