I'm alone and somehow its okay

I have a decent job that pays the bills and have a little extra more to spend on myself and for savings. Its not the most exciting job and pay rate is still less than what i'm qualified for but it works for me.
I'm not very close to any of my coworkers but not on a bad term either.
I don't really have many friends and those that i do have, we rarely hang out or do friends stuff together. Heck i dont even have any friends on the internet.
To be honest, i should be more worried than i should; at this point i probably die alone and maybe if i suddenly died in my apartment no one would noticed.
Maybe i should be more worried about it.
But to be honest, i confess that i don't care anymore. My life is stagnant with wake up, eat, work, surf the internet, eat, sleep and repeat. If i'm lucky i am able to have a conversation with someone instead of having a couple of sentence with my boss and manager.
It used to make me cry everyday with how lonely my life is, but then somehow along the way i got used to it.
i got used to coming back to an empty apartment, getting used to having no notifications on my phone or mailbox stuffed with nothing but bills or going to the shopping mall and cinema alone or being bedridden in the hospital room for a week with no visitors.
Its not fun, but I've come to terms with it and i finally accepted that being alone is fine. Its not weird. In fact i felt more freer.
So free to the point that my therapist said my free of depression and anxiety. So free that I've stop being so fixed upon making fake friends and interest and swallowing pills after pills of antidepresant.
Being alone is okay, even if it isn't it will be.
I'm happier now, sure maybe having more spark to my life is always a welcome but right now, i'm happy with being alone and thats all that matters.

5 Comments

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  • Been in your situation so I understand.

  • I was like this for over 10 years. Quite happy on my own. Then I met my husband. I'm happy now, i believe, because i learnt to be happy with myself.

  • I live alone too, i don't have many friends, don't really hang out with anyone at work. I'm not really worried either, I'm perfectly happy just doing what I want, when I want, how I want!

  • There are times when being alone is cool but not always. There are ways to meet people and make friends. What happened to your family?

  • When I was in such a state as yours, depressed and lonely, the book: "The purpose driven life" helped me.

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