He asks for my help, how to react?

I dont know where to start so I will go from the beginning, it may take a while.
Less than a year ago me and him started a relationship which was intensive and beautiful. I felt happy as never before in my life. The future of the relationship was questionable from the beginning, since I was much older than him and we lived in different countries.
We had great time when I was there, and we kept it going til my next visit which was one month later. When I came again, I spent 10 days in his city, we met once and the rest of the time he avoided me. When I was leaving I texted him goodbye, which is when he wrote to me like: sorry this must end, its not good... bla bla, for religious reasons (he is religious and what we did goes far beyond some of the preaching in the religion).
I was g****** crushed, but I just wrote OKAY. For me it was an ultimate heartbreak and I cried for days, for months... I never told him any of that, Im too proud to share it with anyone I know. I just wrote to him - you broke my heart. Out communication since then was very very very brief, texting twice a month, where he was barely communicating (busy, sleepy, tired), etc.
For me, whenever he texts me that was huge - I was flying, even when it was brief and boring, almost like a robot. Im good how are you? Okay. Yes. Im working. Im tired. I will sleep. Bye. You are good. You are polite. You are kind. Bye.
I never read any of these txts as love signs, to be clear, I know how to recognize his lack of interest.
Sometimes he asks if I miss him, or he writes he misses me. But the length of our conversation never confirmed that he really does miss me. Its always short and brief. So...

ANyway, today he called, for the first time since the break up (7 months). I didnt pick up because I panicked. I wrote to him, whats up. He said he is looking for an internship in Europe and he needs my help. Basically.
He said (via recorded msg): How can I find it? Can you help me? Please. I love you.

He really does need my help since Im good with that stuff and he knows it. But I cant go pass the fact that he broke me into pieces, he ignored me while I was in his city, he dumped me via txt while I was at the airport, he didnt write, and now he comes for help as if nothing has happened.
I need to also mention his lack of experience with girls(hes 20, im 25) and cultural difference, but then again, there is no cultural/age excuse for such moronic treatment. He treated me like queen when we were together, I could feel the love and appreciation. But it all stopped that day when he left me. So I know its in him, but he is not giveing it to me. So...
now he looks for internship, in my city, or in any other EU city. And he wants me to help him.
We texted a bit about it, I asked what kind of internship, where, and I found my self googling it. And then I thought... wait a minute... wait... should I be doing this at all?

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  • Epilogue: 20 days later... I did not help. Yesterday he texted again after 20 days, he found himself an internship. I said Im really happy for him (and I really am, after all I do love him).
    He said he misses me. I told him, for the first time ever, since the breakup, how sad I felt when he left me and how much he hurt me. It was me speaking my feelings out loud for the first time, apart from writing it here, I couldnt talk to anyone about it. So I finally told him and I feel like 100 kilos of burdain fell off my shoulders. He asked for forgiveness. It was so weird. I had been imagining that convo in my head over and over again, us talking ABOUT IT. When it was finally happening it was surreal. After sooo long... Ohhh....
    In short, he said he misses me. And that he will be sending me pics from that city where he will be doing his internship.



  • He's manipulating you! What an ass. Saying "I love you" at the end, as if that will change what he's done. Smh. He's using you.

    If you don't mind, then help him. I personally help anyone who needs it, despite what they've done, because it's the type of person I am but afterwards I keep it moving. All business. If you aren't able to, please don't put yourself in that position. He's a big boy, he can handle it himself. If you can google it, I'm sure he can too.


  • Also. Age gap of 20 vs 25 is nothing. It's not a big deal. Really. You're practically the same age.

    How to deal with his request - given my original reply, I'd just politely decline to help him. If he presses for a reason then say you need your space given how he ended the relationship previously. If he tries to wheedle back in with declarations of love - at that point he really is a manipulator and I would give him both barrels and call him out on it - and then cut off all contact with him.

  • He's using you plain and simple. Your own emotional ties are blinding you to the simple fact he knows that you can be useful and he's hitting you up to get what he wants.

    Context is everything here. If the context was a two way helping out kind of friend relationship, and you've been good friends forever, then this would be totally fine. If the context was a stranger you don't know, or perhaps even someone that had wronged you, then the request probably wouldn't be fine.

    Given your relationship and history with this guy it seems this is pretty wrong - but you're going to be the one to know this. If you are ok with being a good friend, and help is reciprocated, he can help you, you can help him, then all is good. If you can't be a good friend to him, or that is complicated because of your emotional history, then you shouldn't be helping him out.

    What's done is done. Closure.

    The last thing that tips the balance for me is the whole I love you bit he tacks on the end. That to me is manipulative. He cuts off the relationship when it suits him - due to religious or otherwise. And yet when he wants something he's back in with the love ? No. Really bad behavior. I'd also start to suspect whether he isn't a bit of a manipulator period - and the initial thing you had was just manipulated to finish when he became bored / uncomfortable with it.

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