I was a fool

I am an African American male in his early fifties, living and working in the south and my relationship with a white woman of five years has just ended. I met her in June of 2011. We were both members of a twenty-four hour fitness center and we both worked out during the wee hours of the morning. We often exchanged glances and then one morning she approached me about my routine and one thing lead to another which ended in me giving her my number. She was heavy into texting and would text me through out the day and we would talk at the gym after our workouts were finished and then she would tell me , I have to go home and fix breakfast and dinner and get my children's things prepared for school.

This was our normal routine until one day while at work she sent me a text with a photo attached and everything changed. The text said, s**? And the photo was her fingers on her c******* and spread l****. I was very attracted to her so my response was yes of course but little did I know what I was getting myself into and this is where I inform you that she was a married white woman. I did not find out until sometime later but by this time my feelings were no longer just below my waist. I was upset at first but it explained all the excuses for not being able to do a lot of things. The two kids at home I have to take care of line covered a lot of them.

The place we both lived was a small town so much of our time was spent together at night. We made love everywhere to include the fitness center. You can do that in a small town at one in the morning. The love making was intoxicating but what really drew me in was her being so down to earth and the pain she carried and often expressed to me on so many occasions, I asked often what she planned to do and I always got the answer I don't know. Her husband, according to her was abusive emotionally. She stated that he hurled insults like stones and each one making its mark, She shed tears as she bared her soul to me.

After a year or two of not moving beyond where we were I made a decision to move closer to my job which was about forty minutes away. When I informed her she was upset but I told her I had to do this because I needed to know just how much she really loved me because I truly loved her, She visited on weekends and even stayed a few. Until this day I can never understand how she pulled the over nights off. What story could she have possibly given her husband?

Well, after a few more years of day trips, hotels, house visits to me and some classroom sessions, did I mention she was an educator? We made love after hours in her classroom. You can't believe the intensity of those moments. Where was I going? Oh yes the time had finally come to put up or shut as they say. All the excuses about him taking the kids if he every found out she was seeing someone or if she tried to leave finally turned into me moving and it wasn't the same because she couldn't see me every night and she was alone but it also was about security.

She had told me several times that she couldn't make it on her own because she had always been taken care of and her teachers salary wouldn't cut it. That's when the truth begin to come to the light. She was willing to endure the emotional abuse have me close and available and keep her financial security. She divulged during this time that her husband's family had money.

On March the first 2016 the whole thing came to an end. I held out hoping the love she confessed for me would be enough to make her evaluate her situation and make a decision. I had the house, a good job and love but I see now that this was about having her cake and eat it too. Her final words to me via an email mind you, were I will always, always, always love you. I haven't heard a word since from her in any form.

7 Comments

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  • It may matter regarding any maturity factor here however you failed to include de age of dis gal.. What's her age??

  • Drop your indirect competition with her husband, and just focus on the fact that she obviously loves you. Yes, love. What she feels for you is love. And what she feels for him is security. Wouldn't you rather be loved? If you insist on seeing it as a competition with him, then see the fact that you've already won. She loves YOU.

  • .....she sounds like a hot piece..........you need to go get that back......like now....

  • She obviously wanted to remain involved and she obviously took on a huge amount of risk to be with you so often. Call her and tell her you want to resume the affair and that you'll do anything to get back together with her. Then do ANYthing.

  • Jesus, dude. You had it made. Hot no-strings s** with an overheated white woman. And you let that go? Why? In a gambit to force her hand? Dumb. You could have had her and a regular relationship (with another woman where you lived). Best of both worlds. To each his own, I suppose, but I wouldn't have let that nasty white chick go, husband or no husband. You blew it.

  • Easy there boy.. Cool your jets.. You come off here being undeniably inexperienced to much of the real world.. Look, many times there exist a lot of many faceted, many layered dynamics in relationships that one only knows of if they are in it.. Moreover, many of those are out of ones control.. The dame is always the one with all the baggage ; all the variables I'm referring to that may change frequently as well.. You cackle with ignorance ; naïve to the truth that there may be much that isn't clearly defined here.. Being in the south, the only item that may be certain is the burning cross to keep tradition..

  • Who knows, maybe you two can get back together in the future. If you do, try couples counseling. Take care now.

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