Mum, Dad, my Sister. I have something to tell you but you probably won't hear it.
Ever since she died I've thought only about how you all feel about me and what you think about me. Every single second from when I get up from sleep to when I go to sleep. Every time I see one of you I also see the way you look at me. I see how you look away in disgust. I would expect that from Dad, but you as well Mum? And you too Zoe?
I know you never liked me, I've tried so hard to be loved by you, but you just push me away. Why did you even have me if you never intended to love me? You all think I'm weak, that I can't stand up for myself just because I don't like confrontations.
I didn't mean to be the one that survived.
When that man pushed down the door and started firing his gun, she just leapt out in front of me, my own twin saved me. She was always the one you liked, she was just better than me in every way.
She was kind where I was insensitive.
She was helpful where I only made it worse.
She was smart where I was almost the lowest in the class.
She was funny where I floundered.
She was loved where I was always at the very back of your minds, even then it was only me being a bad child.
She was the only one that loved me and for some reason, she took the bullets that saved me while I hid and waited for the police to arrive.
Ever since then, two years ago, every shooting star I see, every birthday candle I have to light for myself, evey single f****** wish I can get, I wish for her to be alive and for me to be dead.
I cant bring her back.
No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I want and wish for me and her to switch places, I can't bring her back and I will never be her.
I'm only a burden to you.
I'm a parasite living off of your legal obligation to keep me here until I have finished school.
I'm better off not being here.
I'm going to kill myself.