Secret relationship

I've been in an "online" relationship with a 32 year old man for 9 months now and none of my family or friends know about it. They might have an idea, but they don't know the details. I'm 19.

We speak everyday, we Skyped before but haven't since late October since he is always busy, tired, or sick... We have a lot of issues due to him being busy and me being insecure because of it, but I have no one to talk to about it so I feel really alone and depressed.

I can't handle a break up. There have been times when we came close but neither of us could go through with it, even though it's the logical thing to do... we are the best thing that could have happened to each other but we were given the worst situation that has made us toxic to each other... I don't know what to do. I could really use someone, anyone, to talk to. :(

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Not a confession but seeking advice

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  • I would place a bet on him being married or seeing someone else. If the person is too busy for you, then they are getting it from somewhere else. Seriously. This rule of thumb has saved myself multiple times. Best bet is to cut it off. Fill your time with something new to do for awhile and you'll realize you were addicted.

  • Secret relationship is fine - whatever works for you, or you feel you want to do is fine. He's pretty much signalling the relationship is over however - you already know it, you just don't want to go there. Understandable. But now you have to learn to move on. Not easy. Part of the experience of life and getting older and wiser. Take your time. Spend time with friends and family. Remember the good times. And learn. Spoiler alert - you'll be just fine in time.

  • I was in the same situation, and he ended up being married. Soo...

  • I think he's waay too old for you... I bet your parents would not be very happy to know about him! He's dating a child.. That's really ** up. It would be statutory ** if you were two years younger!

  • "I think he's waay too old for you... I bet your parents would not be very happy to know about him! He's dating a child.. That's really f***** up. It would be statutory ** if you were two years younger! "

    Oh get a grip ffs. If you were two years younger it would be illegal ! ZOMG !!! And if she were a horse it would be criminal ! ZOMG !!! And if she were 10 years younger it would be even worse. ZOMG !!!

    FFS. Get a ** grip on your uptight moralizing squeamish hand flailing.

    So long as people love each other, and you're above the age of consent, WTF is it any business of yours about an age gap. GTFO. If it works for them it works for them. Stop being the ** relationship thought police.

  • Excellent response to that if, if police. She's enough to make a man puke. I bet she's ugly as aunt Esther..

  • You definitely need a support system. But bear in mind, no one wants to hear the same story or offer advice, unless you're willing to make changes in your life. You can handle a break up. You would be surprised at how much you could handle. Breaking up is never easy, but sometimes it's for the best. Look at it from a positive standpoint. Everyone in your life teaches you something about yourself. That's how you grow. This guy is teaching you about love, vulnerability, your needs and what you need to work on (insecurities)..etc.. Own your part in the relationship. When something is not working, the only person that can advocate for you is you. So learn now to put yourself first. Learn when to be selfish and when to be selfless. But in this're 19, this guy is older and it's an online relationship. And he's telling you he's busy/sick/excuses = unavailable. Something is up but you aren't looking at the red flags. There are a lot of cons to an online relationship. They aren't "real". Yes, you have been honest with someone and have made a connection, which makes it seem real. But you do not know this person in the flesh. There is an entire dimension to your relationship that is missing. Change this situation. No relationship should ever be a secret. That could also be causing your depression. Because something that should make you feel happy, you're feel the need to hide it. And then your online bf also has something to hide. So there are a bunch of lies going on. How do you expect this to survive? There's no trust... You are an adult, you don't need their permission. You may want their blessings. But you are legally responsible for yourself to make decisions for yourself and deal with any consequences. Will there be judgement, possibly. But someone could judge you for dating the guy next door. Finding a therapist would be a good start.

  • Please try to tell a loved one about this relationship. It would probably help you to get some ideas or advice about how to proceed. I you haven't considered therapy, why not do so. It would likely help you a great deal. Be well.

  • Indeed ; talk therapy is tried & true even if the only way is online.. If you need to talk here. proceed.. Perhaps I can grant you some type of help..

  • Are you certain he isn't married or living with someone or in a LTR?

  • I agree with this. There are signs hat he is either using you to boost his ego and that he has other priorities. Probably someone he can date offline

  • Yeah, after 9 months, his unavailability is a little troubling.

  • Yeah. After 9 months, his unavailability is troubling.

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