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Three more years
I was never meant for this. I knew it. Never saw kids as cute, just small pudgy bundles of huge responsibility. I resent being a parent. I do. I resent those idiots who told me it would be wonderful. People who said they'll be there for me then ditched me as soon as baby came along. I ** hate my family for saying they will be there to help me, when I can never get any one of them to help for just an hour. I resent my sister for continously breeding and constantly asking me when am I having another. It's all lies. She hates it so wants everyone in the **. Misery loves company afterall. No thank you. After this, I'm done. I resent my child's father because he didn't want this and he was ** right. He was right. He's off living life. Pains to admit it. But he was right. Family told me he was evil for not wanting a kid blah blah blah. If I just opened my eyes and engaged my brain. Most of all, I resent myself for believing the hype and **. For ruining my own life. For giving up the past 15 years of my life with no help, no support, always broke and a pack of ** lies. For doing jobs I hated just to put food on the table. For not being able to travel because I have to pay for two and can no way afford to do that. Can't be a nomad, can't wander, can't seek adventure. Can't be free. I've always craved freedom and hated the idea of a typical job, a typical life, marriage etc. Anything I felt was stifling. Used to say, "that will never be me..." And then I find myself in the most stifling situation that ever existed, and I can't leave. Oh the irony. Three more years. Just three more years. Yeah I love my kid. Goes without saying. Yes, it's a little easier now that the kid's older, but you still have to parent, still have to be present when all you want to do is run free. I hate the obligation (always have), the responsibility, the have-to's, always having to think about another with every decision I make. And I hate other parents! People I wouldn't ever talk to are now considered friends because my kid is friends with their kid. Who gives a **! **! Of course, you're evil if you don't want to hang with them. Shut the ** up. We have nothing in common. Three more years, then I'm packing it all up to go on the road. I've done my time.
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