Three more years

I was never meant for this. I knew it. Never saw kids as cute, just small pudgy bundles of huge responsibility. I resent being a parent. I do. I resent those idiots who told me it would be wonderful. People who said they'll be there for me then ditched me as soon as baby came along. I f****** hate my family for saying they will be there to help me, when I can never get any one of them to help for just an hour. I resent my sister for continously breeding and constantly asking me when am I having another. It's all lies. She hates it so wants everyone in the s***. Misery loves company afterall. No thank you. After this, I'm done. I resent my child's father because he didn't want this and he was f****** right. He was right. He's off living life. Pains to admit it. But he was right. Family told me he was evil for not wanting a kid blah blah blah. If I just opened my eyes and engaged my brain. Most of all, I resent myself for believing the hype and bullshit. For ruining my own life. For giving up the past 15 years of my life with no help, no support, always broke and a pack of f****** lies. For doing jobs I hated just to put food on the table. For not being able to travel because I have to pay for two and can no way afford to do that. Can't be a nomad, can't wander, can't seek adventure. Can't be free. I've always craved freedom and hated the idea of a typical job, a typical life, marriage etc. Anything I felt was stifling. Used to say, "that will never be me..." And then I find myself in the most stifling situation that ever existed, and I can't leave. Oh the irony. Three more years. Just three more years. Yeah I love my kid. Goes without saying. Yes, it's a little easier now that the kid's older, but you still have to parent, still have to be present when all you want to do is run free. I hate the obligation (always have), the responsibility, the have-to's, always having to think about another with every decision I make. And I hate other parents! People I wouldn't ever talk to are now considered friends because my kid is friends with their kid. Who gives a f***! Damn! Of course, you're evil if you don't want to hang with them. Shut the h*** up. We have nothing in common. Three more years, then I'm packing it all up to go on the road. I've done my time.

May 7, 2016

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  • Well, who held a gun to your head and told you to squirt out babies? Keep spreading the word and maybe the intelligent decision to not bring more people into this terminal world will catch on.

  • I completely understand. EVERYTHING you said is 100% true! I've got 8 more years until I'm free and I can't wait. I feel like I'm in prison.

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