The Beast

Today my aunt told me to get away from her.

I have had anger issues for a while now and it's really hard for me to express my emotions easily and non-physically. I try to suppress emotions and keep them bottled up, I know I shouldn't but it is so hard to talk about my feelings with others because I don't want to scare people.

I've contemplated breaking people before. I'm not a tank or anything but I'm reasonably well built and I keep in shape, I do boxing. I can't knock someone down with one swing but I'm nimble on my feet so I can get in and get out quickly. When I've got someone on the ground, then I can bring the pain. I'm 18 and in my last year of highschool.

Sometimes after I've been having a really stressful week or someone's been bugging me over and over and over, I lose all self control and I go at the person bugging me. It happened once outside on the street when my pastor was coming down the street.

I was walking along, I had been having a really crappy day at school and this one guy, Derek, walked up behind me and unzipped my bag, letting all of my books and paints fall out, then he stepped on my paints so that they all came spurting out onto the ground. I completely lost my cool.

I got him onto the ground quickly and started beating into him with my fists, the blood from his nose and my hands going everywhere, onto my fists, the ground, across his face, onto my face. The thing was, is that it felt really good just to let go and let my body do what it wanted to.

Halfway through the beating, my pastor ran up and shouted for me to stop. Obviously I did, but I only stopped and didn't get off of him and I certainly didn't lower my fist. He then basically held out his cross and tried to exorcise me as if I was possessed.

So far I have gotten convicted of 6 cases of assault and the half of my family that are religious thinks that I'm possessed by Satan and that my children will have horns coming out of their heads.

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  • I guess by now, you'll have either shot and/or killed someone or been shot and or died of a gunshot wound yourself. So desperately sad, but inevitable.

  • You have to get your anger under control. One of these days, you will hit someone hard and they'll hit their head and not get up. It can and does happen. You know, boxing and exercise are great for getting some of the pent up energy out. Also, look into meditation. Something where you can utilize breathing techniques to center and calm yourself. Maybe the anger/rage is more chemical and maybe you need to seek medical help. Look into finding a therapist, it would most likely benefit everyone - but most of all you.

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