That I have physically hurt a vulnerable and innocent person throughout his adolescence on so many occasions throughout my childhood that I can't even remember how many times I've done it. I recall digging my nails into him to stop him from leaving the room.Grabbing his wrist. Trying to strangle him whilst drunk in order to shut him up. He is an adult older than me now but mentally vulnerable as a small child. I am evil. Pure f****** evil although I carry the guilt the guilt I can never ever shed it is not enough. It doesn't matter that I was a child too or that I was drunk or that it was many years ago I want to bludgeon myself with a hammer so can make myself good. I deserve to be torn apart made to face the pain and destruction I caused. I should be stepped on and wiped off someone's shoe. I deserve to be dead rather than carry the shame of my mistakes.