I feel awful for hitting you

Two months ago, my boyfriend and I went out to have a nice time. I had way too many drinks and was holding in resentment from previous problems in our relationship. I became rather rude and verbally aggressive. I continued to say hurtful things in a non direct way to him. And he called me out by saying if I had something to say to just say it. I asked him why he did the things he did, and I told him I didn't know if I could ever get over it and repeatedly told him he didn't deserve me and I deserved to be with someone more honest. Things escalated when I found p*** on his phone and I began to call him a pig. He apologized but became very angry when I kept telling him he was disgusting and that I was tired of p*** getting in the way of our relationship. I slapped him and he got very angry and told me to slap him again since he deserved it and so I continued to slap him while he was driving. We finally calmed down and got to his place, and we began to argue again. I started yelling at him and he began to hit himself on the head( it was very common for him to do this during an argument) I told him I wasn't going to put up with his behavior anymore and tried to leave but he grabbed my arms and begged me not to go. I got scared and tried to get him to let go of me but he wouldn't so I started to bawl and he covered my mouth so I wouldn't cry and wake up his neighbors. I got so angry that I hit him in the chest and pushed him away from me. I couldn't remember all that we said to each other but or how things died down but I ended up passed out on his bed and he was laying down next to me. Thr next morning he told me that I was cursing at him in my sleep and mumbling at him and that I got very angry and kicked him in the back while he tried to fall asleep. I feel awful for such a horrid argument and I feel worse because he forgave me for being such an abusive person to him. I apologized and promised him I would never hit him again. Things are better between us now but I still feel so guilty for hitting the man I love. I hate myself and I hope he truly forgives me. He didn't deserve to be treated that way and I know I will never forgive myself.

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  • Poor little thing You feel awful? how does HE feel?

  • You are an abuser. Do not forget what you did. and do not forgive yourself. and, most likely, you will fo it again

  • My bf sees p*** as cheating or not loving someone. I never thought I'd meet someone like that. I'm sorry for you.

  • Stand your ground girl. P*** on his phone means he is weak

  • Well finding p**** on his phone wasn't the most delightful thing for you, obviously. Sounds like you are tired of all of the bullshit with a man's wandering eye.. Don't blame you.

  • There is a freedom in a relationship where spanking happens. There is a vulnerability exposed and vulnerability is a part of life. When somone looses it and is pulled over the knee and spanked and does not see it as abuse, then there is a freshness or lightness that flows. The sting refocuses. The anger is paused. There is time to think. For a few minutes the original issues are forgotten while you try to focus on the pain the sting. Then if you don't see it as abuse you can take a pause and work out how to reconnect.

  • I divorced my wife after she hit me while I was driving. You can get killed doing that.

  • "Agree with the spanking comment". Just another pervert trying to say "p*** isn't bad it's only bad if he puts his d*** in someone". He's dicking himself over others. It's so wrong. That's for single guys who don't have someone and will only end up being addicted to it and not be satisfied with a real woman.

  • I agree with the spanking comment. Also, p*** isn't that big of a deal. Learn to like it with him. Ugh....stupid fight over something so not important. Get back to me when you catch him dicking someone else.

  • U r a true woman just try syncing in his life and indulge him in urs this way u will be able to letgo this i know how it feels trust me u have to know how males think and react get into his shoes take care and avoid anger count to 10 drink water and the take him down peacefully

  • You just held it all in. I get why you are mad about things. I would feel betrayed if my boyfriend had the urge to look at other nude females. I am not trying to make you feel bad but rather let you know that it's okay to feel that way. S**** people who say it's okay. I don't feel it's healthy.. people just try to justify it a lot online. He doesn't deserve to be treated that way no.. well from what you say it seems he doesn't.. but if he wont' stop looking at stuff like that then I guess you can only just let him go.. because it's not something you should have to deal with. P**** is not normal no matter what anyone says.

  • You need a dam good spanking

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