I am no one
I am nothing but a shell. There is nothing inside. I look into the mirror and a blank face stares back. Maybe I never was. Maybe I just am no longer. What am I? Who am i? I am lost. I have always been lost. I am not a person. A person feels things like happiness and knows who they are and what they want. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't know who I'm supposed to be. If I need others to guide me then what is there that is original? I secretly count down the days until I die. I tell no one that I am already dead. There is no longer pain. There is no longer loss. There is just emptiness. I don't even hold onto the illusion that someday I will have a happy life. I've tried. I've waited. The days have turned into weeks. The weeks have turned into months. The months into years. The years into decades. I'm still here, alone as always. Why? Why am I still alive? I've tried to enjoy life. I enjoy some things. Am I even really real? What is reality? I wish I had someone to talk to and tell these things to. But I am just a sounding board for others. Everyone just talks and no one ever says anything. I would just once love someone to listen to me. To actually listen. To hear what I'm saying. To remember something I say instead of just pretending to listen so they can continue on with whatever stupidity they want to spew out. I'm really starting to hate people. When will it be over? I'm afraid to die but I'm scared to go on living with this emptiness inside. How many more decades must I endure this pit inside of me? If most people are like the ones I know I don't want to be anything like them. Maybe I should just stay invisible. But I can't hide from the emptiness anymore.