My first embarrassing robbery attempt

When I was 19 years old, I was broke, I didn't have any money for food, home or anything. I was desperate. And my mother threaten to kick me out of the house, so does my step-father. My real father left me after my mother gave birth to me, I have three siblings and I am the middle. My oldest sibling has a job, and with that being said, she was able to take care of herself completely, she has friends, money, and all that. But for me, I'm always more of an introvert person, I don't get along with people. I NEVER had any friends, I don't have any cousins or any other family members. I always spend my entire day lifting weights, play video games, or watch movies. I never liked the idea of working, I guess you could say I was a total bum. And I'm completely fine with it. I started working out at the age 14 and still do at this day. My dream was to become a fighter in MMA or boxing. I love sports! I admired people like Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson And Cain Velasquez. I consider myself pretty big as well, I'm 6'2'' And I weigh 245Lb. I'm very happy with my built, Because it's the only thing I ever worked hard in this life. Ever. So, One day. My mom told me that She want's me to find a job, or else she was gonna kick me out. I didn't take her lightly, because she'll always ended up buying me foods in the morning, but this time. It was different, I woke up the next day to find no foods on the table. And that moment, I knew, she wasn't kidding. I didn't even ask her where's my food, because I knew that she's completely done with my bum ass. So instead, I drank coffee, to keep me going, while I head to the store. And I had to walk there, actually. I didn't have bicycle or even a car. Didn't even have money for a cab. So, I walked there. Stole 2 Jars of peanut butter worth of $20. And I ate it. Because 100gram of peanut butter is 600 calories. So I ate 300grams, and that's a total of 1800 calories. And that made me full like h***. But, I needed money. So, that very day, when I got back home. I watched youtube videos, I watched failed robbery compilations, read articles, learn abit about criminal forensics, etc. Because I planned on hitting this one convenience store. Keep in mind, I'm in a great physical shape, so. I didn't bother to find a getaway vehicle to flee. I was planning on running on foot. And I can keep on running for hours non-stop. So I told to myself that this is it. I am never going to change my mind. So, I planned on hitting the store at 3AM. Where there wouldn't be much people around. Plus, the store was in a secluded area. So, I watched videos of failed robbery compilations to kill time. Fast forward. It's already 3AM, and I was preparing. I have a gun, but I didn't wanted to use it. Because armed robbery might gotten me in a deeper s***. But I was scared at that time and I didn't thought a machete was also considered as an armed robbery. So, I picked up a machete. But before I put it in my bag. I bring all the necessary stuff for the robbery, like extra pants, shirts, jacket, mask, gloves, not to mention. I did however wash the machete with bleach. To remove all of the past fingerprints, etc. So, I geared up. Put everything in a bag. I head over to the store, and I saw multiple people in the store. So I waited outside, I waited like 40 minutes. I guess the people in there were locals, because they were talking to the cashier as if they knew him. So, after 40 minutes past. The area had gotten quieter, there was almost no people around anymore. So I got up, Put my mask on, pull out my machete. And walked into the store. Keep in mind, i was scared. I didn't hurt the cashier. I Used the machete as a form of intimidation only. Nothing more. I didn't even raise my voice at him. I didn't even touch him at all. I told him "This is a robbery. You're getting robbed. Empty the cash register. Now. I don't wanna hurt you. PLease hurry it up and empty it now." ANd he complied. He opens up the cash registration. And my god, Looking back at it. I was dumb enough to put the machete on the counter. Holy crap. I can't believe how stupid I was to do that. But I wasn't thinking. As I busy picking up money from the cash registration. This guy s***** the machete. And yelled at me "Get out of the store!" He was an immigrant, possibly from iran or something. His english was so bad. I could barely understood him. So, I told him "Please, don't hurt me. I'm sorry. I already put the money back into the cash registration." He started to swing the machete in the air as an indication for me to back off, and to not come any closer. I stormed out of the store and tripped over a rock. I fell h****** the pavement. Man, I felt like my ass was broken. But then again, I got up again. And tried to flee. This guy threw a machete at me, Thank god it didn't hit me. It was so close. I could've been dead. But then, multiple people walking past, saw it. And they all jumped me. Kicking me, hitting me. there was like 6 people. 7 with the guy holding the machete. So, I was beaten up by 7 people, It didn't hurt, because my heart was pumping through the roof. My adrenaline kicked in, and all I wanted to do was flee. Then, one of the mob yelled "Call the cops. Quickly, we'll hold him here." So, the guy with the machete ran back into the store, to grab his phone. And I saw this as an opportunity to fight off 6 people, because they were unarmed. And the guy with the machete was in the store. Keep in mind. I was physically in good shape. I was physically strong, I had strength advantage over all 6 of them. So, as they were hitting me, kicking my head. I got up quickly and I was able to subdued all 6 of them, they tried to struggled. But I started to beat all 6 of them, and they ran back into the store. And I could hear one of them said "He's too strong. Grab some sticks or rocks and tell the cops to head here sooner" My pants were baggy. So, I literally had remove it, even my boxer. Because it was baggy. And it was in the way while I was trying to flee. I literally fled half naked on the waist down. But no one could ID me, Because I was wearing a mask. I didn't stop running, till I reach my home. My god, my heart felt like it was going to explode when I got back home. I was running like crazy, and I escaped them. And no, I wasn't arrested. I take this as a second chance in life. I vowed to never commit any crime anymore. So, anyway. I vomited twice. Because my heart felt like it was gonna explode. It was beating to the roof for 2 hours and then it started to slow down to a normal state. It's been days, I've had hard time sleeping. because I was scared if the police would bust my front door, arresting me. But no. They didn't. So I took this as a second chance in life. I vowed to never commit crime ever again. I rather end up homeless than committing crimes. To all the kids out there. Don't commit crimes, it's not worth throwing your future away... And I learned it the hard way. I hope people could read this and know that life can be hard. I know life is hard. It is hard, indeed. But it's not worth throwing it away, or risk being put behind bars over a couple of bucks. Or foods. I rather eat s*** form the dumpster than rob.


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  • What a hilarious story. I haven't laughed so hard at an idiot in ages. You deserved everything you got.

  • If this is true and onset confession, and what you think now, after this event is that you will never do crimes anymore then congratulations, the problem with crimes that involve direct contact with people is that in a moment of panic you can heart someone, or you can be heart, so for a few bucks is not worded to put someone, or you in an dangerous situation.

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