Confused about my surroundings

So ive been with my wife for about 11 years and I started experiencing some issues about 5 years ago, a month before we married.

I met her childhood best friend who within minutes of meeting proceeded to inform me how she watched my soon to be wife blow a guy in front of her and an alternate time she watched her f*** a guy in front of her. Wow we just met and you know nothing about me and this is being shared within minutes of meeting me.

Months go by and I start hearing about the 3somes multiple 4somes and all these sexcapades which excites me but then soon turns into jealousy. I begin thinking my wife is f****** everyone under the moon which doesnt sit well with me. I begin questioning her and saying the wrong things which has put a wedge between us.

Years go by, s** is lame and today im not sure how she feels about me.

Fast forward to today in which my wife and kids ask to move to another state to be closer to family and friends. Weve lived here for 1.5 years only a block and a half from her childhood best friend.

I no longer smile or talk to anyone and everyone says that im standoffish. I spent a year at my new 100k job and lost it recently because i couldnt focus. I cant tell whats reality and if my wife is f****** everyone. Her friends/step family grab crothes, a****, dry hump and all sorts of different innapropriate gestures and comments. Two couples in particular have mentioned numerous times how endowed their partners are (step father and childhood friends boyfriend.)

My wife has told me in the past its just s** and has lead a swinger lifestyle with her ex in which i had no inclination.

Everyone hosts parties and if my wife dissapears for even a few moments i think shes f****** someone. I was once a very confident outgoing guy who has become miserable. One two seperate occasions in the past year, at one of our parties we've had s** immediately after the party and she was so loose that i thought someone might have f***** her - but it could just be that she was drunk and was h****??? I penetrated her the one time and it was 'air'. She disappeared to her childhood best friends the other time for 45 minutes and came back and i was suspicious. Later that night she was loose and i thought she smelt like condoms and mentioned it to her. She laughed and said i was paranoid once again.

I try talking to her and it usually ends up in an argument. she says that was the past and shes no longer like that. Our s** life has turned pretty lame probably because i have judged her. S** is like, can you make it quick, i havent performed oral on her in years, if she performs it on me its an inconvenience, lights have to be out and kissing is limited.

My reality is so blurred that i cant tell if shes f****** her stepdad or if this is just my mind playing tricks on me.

Ive made comments about our surroundings and she repeatedly says that if they are swingers this has nothing to do with her as shes not involved.

I told her i hate it here and want to move.

I dont know what to think anymore. My mind is in another place and s** is constantly on my brain which wasnt my primary focus in the past until i moved here.

I dont want to invade her privacy and catch anything in the act because it may destroy me further. i feel hopeless and ive destoyed myself in the process.

If i go with my gut feeling, shes up to no good. Is it perception or reality.

I can share a ton more on this but its enough for a basis to generate discussion i guess.

I really hate who ive become and wish i knew how to change how i think...

One f***** up individual!

Dec 28, 2016

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  • Damn, your situation is rough. Your wife definitely has little to zero moral filter, and likely wants to mount anything that moves. Makes me wish we had something like Carfax for Women, so we could get the history before we marry them.

  • If you can't leave her past in the past do to your insecurities than your marriage is in serious trouble. Everyone feels the pains of jealously at one point or another but if all you focus on is the men she was with before you, it will just tear you apart. Accept her for who she is or get out of the marriage, its that simple. She will resent you for your suspicions all the time and you thinking she is constantly with other men will destroy your marriage in time anyway. Always remember above everything and all the other men she could have married she chose you to be her husband.

  • You're letting your wife's (dishonourable friend) and your wife's sexual history, destroy your marriage and self-esteem. Everyone has a history.
    You shouldn't let it influence, how you feel about your wife. But obviously, that's too late.

    Your wife may want to relocate, because she finds it disturbing and slanderous, of her so called friend. Have you ever considered, that perhaps your wife's friend is jealous of your wife and wanted to ruin her relationship with you? If my assumption is accurate, it appears to be working!

    Maybe if you relocate, away from this friend, it may mend your relationship with your wife. Perhaps, you both need marriage counselling, space and time to heal. I'm not an expert.

  • Her friend was just letting you know the life style your wife lead and probably still leads. She was telling you to judge your reaction or may have thought you already knew and were into swinging too. You can either accept her for who she is and what she has done sexually in the past or leave her if you can't . Remember you're not just making yourself miserable you making her life miserable too. Get over it or get out!

  • There's no "Probabilities about it" It's a possibility, not a probability.
    Everyone has a history. But that doesn't mean, this woman is going to be unfaithful to her husband.

    Have you considered, that this woman's promiscuous behaviour happened, when she was single and not in any sort of relationship? Keep an open-mind and don't be so narrow minded and ignorant.

  • It is no wonder your s** life is bad with your wife--you are a green-eyed jealous, paranoid, spiteful monster. Just a heads up: THE PAST is THE PAST.

    Sure, maybe some guys put some notches on their belts when they would tag-team her at orgies back in the day, filling her to the brim with creamy goodness. But realize that was before she was with you. You need to understand that you are chopping up those memories with an axe every time she rides you reverse cowgirl and you are slapping that rear of hers.

    You should be thankful that your wife is so sexy.

  • Read your post man! Read it! Once a hoe, always a hoe! Common man! Your dieing inside because your worried about a woman with no morals. Listen if your mother didn't tell you, I'm going to tell you now! You can not make a hoe into a house wife! If a woman if giving random guys head and s******* them in front of her friends, she is a hoe! That kind of behavior hardly ever stops

    If she is loose and smells like a rubber! Com on man! Wake up! Grabbing ass and grabbing butts is foreplay! Here is the answer that you are seeking!

    If you can live with who you are now, than stay! It's not going to get better so please stop holding your breath. NOTHING has been done to fix the problem! If your not willing to live like this than start making plans to leave her or fix the problem. It's that simple.

    But your other answer is YES! YES she is s******* around. YES SHE IS LYING TO YOU. YES! You made a mistake by marring her but you have an option called divorce! Take your kids and start to repair what you have left of your life. Grow a set of b**** and dare to be happy again!

  • You're an ignorant fool! Just because his wife has a promiscuous sexual history, doesn't mean she's going to/or is cheating on him. Maybe, she was single at the time. If she was, that doesn't mean she's going to cheat on her husband! You shouldn't judge a person and make assumptions about them, because of their past. Also, you don't personally know this woman and the OP, so don't make assumptions and presumptions about someone, you don't know!

    No offense intended, but are you from America?

  • "No offense intended" lol Very first sentence " You're an ignorant fool" Why would he be offended? ;)

  • Lol I don't know :-)

  • She is a hoe... For show!

  • Why is she? Because she has a promiscuous past? You're an idiot!

  • Blah blah blah

  • She's a hoe man and a liar. Why would you want loose?

  • You don't know that!! Do you know her personally? I presume not!

  • My current gf swung a little bit with an ex before me. Even though it made me queasy, I asked a lot of questions without judgment to understand better. In the end it strengthened our trust and communication (and got me interested!).

    Shower her with affection, trust, and attention and she won't go anywhere else to find it. Control what you can control.

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