I regret becoming a parent

I've been a mom over half my life. I'm 40 now. I was 17 when I had my first child & I fell in love with being a mom. I loved his dad so much but we were young & immature. He got into serious trouble & got a life sentence in prison...yay me! I did have a lot of support from my family. At 23, I met a guy I tried to help.
He was a low life alcoholic & a drug addict. He ended up humiliating me not before getting me pregnant. I had 2 kids, he was in & out of jail, extremely abusive...
But still trying to fix him, that relationship kept putting me deeper in debt & getting us no where. I was 25 & "finally" wised up & dumped him for good not before getting knocked up again.
I continued to work & was my kids sole provider...I gave them a lot more than I had. I actually enjoyed them when they were little.... going on small getaways & lots of toys, cute clothes....
Eventually, I got married & had my 4th & final child. So many things went wrong with my marriage...it was 50/50- I failed, we resented each other. We both were obese, unhealthy & depressed- kind of enabled each other. We lived separately for a few years, then he moved out of state, 12 hrs away with another woman. I filed for divorce, lost over 100 lbs, life wasn't too bad until...
My oldest was a teenager, he was challenging like most. The younger 3 were handfuls as well, thank goodness for my mother!
I was in a decent relationship for 5 yrs, rocky at times mainly due to these kids & he was a cheater when he didn't get enough attention.
My oldest died at 17, my second child was in trouble all the time from age 12 on & sentenced in Juvie, my 3rd is mentally challenged/ disabled - extreme behaviors. My bf died in a car accident over a year ago while texting another woman.
Now all of my kids are teenagers & I absolutely hate being a parent! I'm burnt out! I'm not looking for sympathy.... I just wish I could've done things differently. I don't know what I ever did in my life to punish me like THIS. I cry almost every day.
I have a wonderful bf now...best relationship I've ever been in...he's really the only person that makes me happy.
The count down....6 yrs!!!!
I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I made these choices, I get that! I just can relate to when some say they look forward to the school year approaching, they hide & wear ear plugs, cannot wait til their kids are grown.

5 Comments

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  • Then you have the perfect opportunity to make a career for yourself by traveling to high schools and telling girls that making babies for fun isn't worth it. Everybody obsesses over the part that's the most similar to playing dress-up dolls but forgets that there are 18+ years of other things in the making. Nobody ever, ever thinks of that part. Ever.

  • Lol, tough t******!

  • Sounds like you had a hard life. Hopefully your kids will move out eventually and you can begin to focus on you.

  • Wow

  • Damn you have had a lot of f***** up s*** happen to you but you need to keep your head up for your kids.

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