I regret becoming a parent

I've been a mom over half my life. I'm 40 now. I was 17 when I had my first child & I fell in love with being a mom. I loved his dad so much but we were young & immature. He got into serious trouble & got a life sentence in prison...yay me! I did have a lot of support from my family. At 23, I met a guy I tried to help.
He was a low life alcoholic & a drug addict. He ended up humiliating me not before getting me pregnant. I had 2 kids, he was in & out of jail, extremely abusive...
But still trying to fix him, that relationship kept putting me deeper in debt & getting us no where. I was 25 & "finally" wised up & dumped him for good not before getting knocked up again.
I continued to work & was my kids sole provider...I gave them a lot more than I had. I actually enjoyed them when they were little.... going on small getaways & lots of toys, cute clothes....
Eventually, I got married & had my 4th & final child. So many things went wrong with my marriage...it was 50/50- I failed, we resented each other. We both were obese, unhealthy & depressed- kind of enabled each other. We lived separately for a few years, then he moved out of state, 12 hrs away with another woman. I filed for divorce, lost over 100 lbs, life wasn't too bad until...
My oldest was a teenager, he was challenging like most. The younger 3 were handfuls as well, thank goodness for my mother!
I was in a decent relationship for 5 yrs, rocky at times mainly due to these kids & he was a cheater when he didn't get enough attention.
My oldest died at 17, my second child was in trouble all the time from age 12 on & sentenced in Juvie, my 3rd is mentally challenged/ disabled - extreme behaviors. My bf died in a car accident over a year ago while texting another woman.
Now all of my kids are teenagers & I absolutely hate being a parent! I'm burnt out! I'm not looking for sympathy.... I just wish I could've done things differently. I don't know what I ever did in my life to punish me like THIS. I cry almost every day.
I have a wonderful bf now...best relationship I've ever been in...he's really the only person that makes me happy.
The count down....6 yrs!!!!
I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I made these choices, I get that! I just can relate to when some say they look forward to the school year approaching, they hide & wear ear plugs, cannot wait til their kids are grown.

4 Comments

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  • Lol, tough t******!

  • Sounds like you had a hard life. Hopefully your kids will move out eventually and you can begin to focus on you.

  • Wow

  • Damn you have had a lot of f***** up s*** happen to you but you need to keep your head up for your kids.

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