Everything is all good or all bad

I was abused as a kid (verbal and emotional), and I seldom was cut any slack about anything. My parents treat me like a kid even though I am 51. The all-or-nothing view is from abuse. I cannot shake it. People who criticized at church really were just as nasty and no different. They were critical and controlling. They looked down on me as a single person. I cannot cut anyone any slack. I seldom see it done anywhere (except work on occasion). People do not accept who I am (51, female, never-married, responsible job, no kids, physics degree, MBA and law degree, licensed to practice law in MO, IL and MI). Therefore, I had no latitude most of my life. I blow up and do not care what others think when I am really angry. (My then-therapist indicated that it was from the abuse.) I cannot remain in control when things go wrong. I have been judged many times. I have been told I owe good behavior, but most people do not deliver what they owe. I had two therapist get triggered during session. Gee, they are trained not to do so. I owe everything, and no one else owes me anything. That is what I hear. I had one therapist ignore and avoid the main issue, how I talk. Most people are not worth gentleness (outside of work). The work persona works. I always am told and feel that I am one down from everyone else. Gee, thanks.