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IM NOT PROUD
I gave up the love of my life for a lifestyle my parents would approve of. My parents are elderly and wants what’s best for me. I come from a wealthy family by both sides mom & dad. I’m 22 Years young with a masters degree and currently still in school. Just married to a friend of the family’s son (Asian) surgeon. He’s not the best of good looking but he has what my parents wanted income and a way of supporting me. I left my ex stood him up on our wedding day, my parents begged for me to not marry him because he didn’t come from a wealthy family. Typical story. My dad is a retired blue collar worker. My mother never worked and took care of the house and my 6 siblings. My parents never liked my ex or never reconsidered if I was happy or not. I was the happiest I’d ever be. He’s a hard worker no degree or income but a sweet soul respectable hard working man is what I loved about him. My parents never fully accepted him. They’d stop interacting with me , kick me out of the house, not support in emotional circumstances. I came to my senses that I’d sooner be forced to choose sides. So I chose my family. They set up my wedding date and I eventually moved on and married. It’s been a year of married life. I’m not in love but his physical appearance distracts me respectful, smart,caring& sweet husband. When we have ontercourcse I think of my ex. My husband gives me everything I want or need. We just bought our home coming from a uptown condominium. The house itself is huge empty lonely. I work he works 24/7 on call out of town. I sometimes wish I’d never marry and want to run out and find my ex. Express my love. Materialistic things don’t have meaning. I’m sure my ex probably moved on or has kids. I’m asian as well but he was white. typical household with generations going. My husbands family is very very upkept and picky on certain things I feel like I’m constanly having to do everything perfect when they come over. I have to switch my car every year according to my husband he likes to live life differently . I was raised in a wealthy household so nothing matters. I just don’t know how to tell him I’m tired of living a lie. Competing with his family. Blending into this fake marriage. I’m tired of seeing him coming home from work. Same routine. I’m disgusted when he kisses me because it’s not who I want . I don’t feel a thing. But to him it’s like a cold shoulder and silence is the best fixture. I have to buy expensive bags and clothes according to my husband we are wealthy and need to act as such. He talks about kids already but I’m not ready I’m 22 turning 23 in a few weeks and I can’t have a kid with someone I don’t love. He’s 30. I’ve lost friends because I’m stuck with my asian surgeon husband and his family constantly coming over to see what I have or don’t have. But I ** it up and live a lie all for my father with stage 4 cancer. I wouldn’t want to upset him. His life insurance will go fully to me over 500k but I sometimes just want to run n away hide change my name disappear start new and find my new lover. When you grow up having it all the smallest things mean the most to you..
This one is sad, but one thing is always best to do, and that is go with what makes you happy.
It is, after all, your life.