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My ex is playing mind games
My ex and I lived together with pets, etc. He has been unhappy for the past few months, not able to sleep, depressed, angry and lashing out. He normally has a temper and is often in a negative mood, but it has increased. He mentioned he’s unhappy in the relationship because he wants more and to have children, but I’ve told him that I can’t move forward until we work on some of these issues and address the problems (when he’s drunk, he tells me he hates me and I should die, when he’s sober he says I’m a ** and he doesn’t love me and he deserves better and he will go out to the bars and look for someone else). He blames it mostly on work and says that his job is so stressful that he takes it out on me. I’m tired of being the punching bag. He finally told me that either I accept him for who he is, which he said isn’t a nice person and often an **, or I need to move out. He’s been telling me to move out and he hates me for 3 months now. He said he’s wasted enough time and he should be accepted for who he is, even if it’s not a perfect person, and not waste each other’s time. I told him that people need to work at their relationships, and he said love should be unconditional. So, last Sunday, I asked him again if he thought his behavior was ok after a terribly embarrassing weekend in public, and he said no. He also told me that he isn’t changing and if I don’t like it to leave at anytime. So I did. I said if he wanted to work on the issues together, I would be happy to so we can be a better couple, but I can’t continue to accept this. I told him maybe it’s best for us if we part ways since we are both now unhappy. I told him I’d start moving out, which I did over the course of 3 days. He didn’t stop me, apologize, or say one nice thing other than - I hope you’re gone soon, and I’m going to go out and meet someone as soon as your gone.
He called up our best friends and told them I left him with no warning. Then a few days later, he went out with another couple of ours, and started crying at the bar over how I abandoned him and he would change if I came back. This is all second hand knowledge. Then a week ago one of my girlfriends said that her husband went to a baseball game with him, and they asked him if we’ve talked. He told them he was waiting to hear from me, and not reaching out until I did first, and he wants to work on things but only if he heard from me. So, I reached out after what I had heard, thinking maybe we could work on us. and asked if he wanted to talk and go out to dinner. He said no. I felt confused.
Then I waited 2 days and said, I’m sorry for many things, and I’d really like to see you. Can we get together and see if we can work through this? He said, I can’t. Then I hear he’s been out to the bars with a bunch of single guys until 2am almost everyone night this week.
I don’t understand. Why cry to our friends that he wants to change? Why say he’s waiting to hear from me, and then when I reach out, he rejects me? I haven’t contacted him since and have heard nothing. I just don’t understand why share these details with my friends that will get to me, then act different to me. This weekend will be 2 weeks since I’ve moved out.
Things are very hard now. He has moved on to dating and has stopped communicating with me. Our last interaction was very negative. Although I held on on a bit of hope, all seems lost now. I am moving on, but hard to know he didn’t choose to make an effort to work on us and reconcile.
I'm glad to hear you've decided to move on, I know it was a hard decision. Having hope is a double edged sword, but sometimes having hope things will work out after a break-up is like hoping a car is still in mint condition after wrapping it around a tree.
One day he may realize the person he threw away was the best thing that ever happened to him, then again maybe not some people are just arseholes.
But that's no longer your problem. Its his lose not yours. You have a life to live, to be the happiest person you can be and just like most things in life if you want it bad enough you can get it. Don't rush, take time to heal but try to be happy, each day that will get easier I promise. FP
Just checking in, let me know you need to vent or encouragement and please give an update on occasion.
D'oh FP
I’m the OP- he asked me out for coffee. I went. He said it was good to see me. He told me that I looked beautiful, I seem so happy and different. He asked about work, and when I told him I took a step down to focus on my personal life, he about fell out of the chair. He asked if I am happy, and I said yes. He asked if I’ve been getting asked out, too. When we left, I will admit he did kiss me. I did not let it go any farther. And now, here we are 4 days later...and I’ve not heard anything from him. I feel confused and angry, and now sad.
He reached out and sent me a photo of me from a previous holiday. I don’t know why. I tried to start a conversation, and it didn’t go anywhere. Then I text again today and he ignored me. I am so tired of the games. I feel like I was pulled in a little, and now just dropped because he changed his mind. I don’t know what to do.
Honey look... I'm a guy and most guys are arseholes to a small extent but that one is a MAJOR ONE. He's playing, NOTHING MORE and he's going to continue as long as you let him. He's set up rent free in your head and he knows it.
He asked you out for one of 2 reasons... because he didn't have any drama going on or he figured you'd be an easy lay. Regardless the guys toxic.
You were strong, GOOD FOR YOU. I know it was one of the hardest things you've ever done. Now you know a couple of the tricks he's gonna try and you can stop it before it starts, next time he asks you out tell him sorry you have plans, if he sends a pic say thanks AND NOTHING MORE. Its time to stop being the puppet and start being the puppet master.
Here's something to think about... A little boy and little girl are playing doctor, the girl sees the boys ** and runs home crying. She runs to her Dad. Dad asks why shes crying and she tells him because she didn't have a ** and Dad tells her with what she has she can have all the peckers she wants.
What I mean by the little story above is YOU have all the power. You can be, should be and are stronger everyday. You can have all the peckers you want you don't need to put up with a d?ck. You're moving on, don't let him drag you back. FP