It's a different relationship

I have a friend. Lexi who I know is...Into me, I am a 40 year old woman and she is 41, Lexi and I were friends in college and she lived right next door, I finished college a year before her and got a two bedroom apartment, She started staying at my apartment once in a while and when she finished school she pretty much moved right in.
When we were in college together Lexi came over every morning before class and walked with me, We had our...Moments as most girls do in college. Nothing serious, Holding hands, Drunk kissing and some soft core touching but all above the waist and just to tease boys. After she moved in with me Lexi...Propositioned me a few times after the bar or whatever and I always played it off but I will admit that it was flattering. I never actually seen her bring a girl home but I knew of a few times she left the bar with a girl and must have went back to their place. Only one time while we lived together I heard her door open and heard whispering as she walked someone to the door.
I never once asked her about any of it mostly out of shyness or embarrassment or whatever but also I didn't want to give her the idea I was into it, My first "Encounter" with Lexi was when we had saved up for almost a year and went to Mexico with two other friends. We were all aware of her interest in girls and being I was already her room mate we shared a room while the other two shared a room. I remember it vividly and we had been lounging and drinking all day then went to the pool bar and somewhere in the middle of the night went to bed. Both of our other friends had met two guys at the pool bar and had gone to their room but me and her were just sitting there pretty much all alone except for an older couple.
We went to bed, I was never one to shy away from being naked in front of her even though she would sometimes drop a comment or something about my body or how beautiful I was and how it was too bad I wasn't interested in "Experimenting" and that night was no different, I was totally naked and she whispered "My god you are gorgeous", I giggled "Lexi...Stop it" and she whispered "Wanna snuggle naked?", I looked at her and said "Tsk, Tsk, No...But we can snuggle with clothes on", She looked at me and quickly changed into shorts and a t-shirt crawling into my bed, She pretty much went right to trying to feel me up and I stopped her saying "Hey, Hey now...Just snuggling" and when I woke up in the morning we were still snuggling with Lexi behind me and her hand cupping my boob through my top which even back then were small but now after three kids they are about the same size just empty.
Anyway, I pulled her hand off my boob and we snuggled for another hour or so, sadly we had a shared balcony with our other two friends and they had seen us through the patio doors so for a while they thought I was a lesbian which I wasn't but until I met my husband who was really the only guy I was serious with since high school, They had their suspicions even though I kept telling them no. Me and my husband married and moved out of the apartment but the three of us lived together in the apartment for about six months together before we bought our first house, About three months before we married and about three months after.
Somewhere in the months before me and my husband got married Lexi had tried to talk me into giving him a "wedding present" before the wedding, I laughed it off but honestly I did consider it I was just never able to get past the idea of my husband having sex with another girl especially not the girl I did then and still do consider my best friend even though I had caught him on multiple occasions checking her out, She has always had a bit of a different build, Perfect, muscular legs, Wide hips, Slim waist, huge boobs and an...Unconventionally pretty face, I once asked my husband about her and he said "you know, there are times she looks kind of plain but there are times depending on how she does her hair or make up that she looks hot and I know her body is...Different but, Well...Interesting" On our wedding night things got kind of wild and we ended up with our wedding party in our hotel room hot tub in our underwear. Lexi, Kelly and I had kissed a little bit and teased my husband and the two groomsmen and then I was sitting on my husbands lap and we all ended up with our bras off.
Kelly and the best man were all over each other groping right in front of us and the groomsman was trying to get with Lexi but she was concentrating on us, Kelly and the best man left our room and Lexi was on her knees beside us kissing me while the groomsman was behind her feeling her boobs and Lexi put one of his hands on my boob and I put one of my husbands hands on Lexi's boob. I know Lexi was hoping for something more to happen but I was so horny by that point that I basically ushered them out the door half dressed and sent them away. Lexi told me the next day she took him to her room but pretended to be too drunk and just passed out and let him play with her boobs.
Now I have been married for 19 years and have 3 kids, Lexi did eventually meet a guy, Got married and had 2 kids but sadly they split three years ago, She never did tell him about any of it. Lexi and myself have an...Understanding, I know she still wants to be with me, We travel together for concerts, Kids hockey, Kids ballet and many other kids activities. But when we travel for concerts it is pretty much always a girls trip with groups of varying sizes but Lexi and I always share a room. She and I have come to a point where it is just kind of understood that I am ok with sharing a bed and some light touching but nothing more, That doesn't mean she doesn't try for more and it's a little game we play, She tries, I play hard to get and eventually we fall asleep snuggling.
I don't know why but I really enjoy it...I am straight, No urge to be with a girl but there is just a weird thing we have and yes my husband knows all about it, I tell him everything and every detail and yes of course he loves hearing about it. Lexi has pushed the limits a time or two and I had to lay down the law, One time in particular we went to a Garth Brooks concert in Vegas and I woke up sometime in the middle of the night, I woke up breathing heavy, Grinding my hips and was sooo horny, I was drunk and it took me a second to realize where I was and what was happening but Lexi had my thong pulled to the side and had her thumb inside me with her other hand pinching my nipple, When I realized what was actually happening I have to say I thought about it for a second and contemplated going further but then came to my senses and put a stop to it.
Another time I had gotten up in the morning and jumped in the shower, Lexi often comes into the bathroom while I shower and talks to me and stuff, Just to see me naked I think but this time she poked her head into the shower and I happened to be shaving my...yeah, For 20 years I have kept it completely bald and she stuck her head in and asked if she should do it, I told her my husband loves it and when I rinsed it off she asked if she could feel it. I let her run her hand over my pubic bone and she slid a finger between my thighs, I pulled her hand away and said "Hey now, You're worse than my husband" and when I got out she asked me to stay and...Instruct her on how to do it and ended up shaving some of it for her, She sat back on the edge of the shower and started rubbing herself trying to "Entice" me but I told her no.
My husband is convinced that I may be Bicurious but I don't feel like it is something I will ever take to that level and really I don't know why but I just think it is fun to do soft core stuff with her, I think if we ever did go to that level it would damage our relationship more than anything, I do enjoy though how excited my husband gets when I tell him about it but I have to be careful otherwise sometimes it severely cuts down on his...stamina.
Not sure where this will ever end up and I truly hope she finds her forever love but there is just no scenario where me and her end up together as a couple so I kind of feel bad leading her on but she needs to either find a guy...Or girl she wants to be with forever.

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