Leeches step daughter

I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for more than 10 years. He moved with me 7 years ago in a rented flat until we agreed of renovating his own house. We started to do his house a year ago and built an extension for a new open plan kitchen and dining and our own bedroom. We changed everything from flooring, old kitchen and everything inside the house . I spent a lot of my personal money. I can say that I spent more than he spent. I bought everything in the house from new kitchen, appliances and furnitures. We’re now living together in his new house. One his adult children aged 30 lives with us. He’s a total mess, never seen him cleaning the house, not even his own mess. His daughter, 32 is pain in the a**. She’s controlling, intimidating, jealous, and interferes with all our affairs. She always tells us that the house is hers too. She lives nearby. She comes to the house and acts like she lives with us and overstepping her boundaries. She’s a total leech. She wants everything to be provided for her. So I talk to my partner to be easy on her, otherwise she will never ever grow. My relationship with her was good until the house was renovated. She’s very jealous. Until one time, she confronted me and disrespected me. I’ve never been yelled at before. I was so hurt that even my relationship with her dad got affected. We haven’t been talking for the last 4 months and I hate to be in this situation. The worst is, her father is still very close to her even though he knows that her daughter hates me. He should back off a bit just to show respect to me and be sensible towards my feelings. We’re planning of getting married but I’m not gonna invite her. Any advise please. Thanks


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  • Don't get married. The legal fight for the house will break you both.
    Pretend to be broke for 2 weeks. Don't touch the investments or savings. Buy all the same groceries but get 1/2 or 3/4 of the usual amount. Focus on food for you and the common law boyfriend. Early meals for you both and go out when the leeches expect you to cook for them.
    Make living with you harder than living alone. Clean noisily. Keep a few secret rolls of toilet paper and seem to run out fast. That free item is pretty important but they need to support the bathroom by buying supplies and cleaning after themselves.
    They need to move out.

  • Thank you for your advice. I was thinking of giving a go to our wedding because getting married will give us stronger ties and it will validate his children’s thinking about me claiming part ownership of the house and as I observe, they never recognised my partnership to their dad. (I have complete receipts of everything I spent in the house, using my personal credit and debit card.)
    I don’t spend as much as I spend before because I’m starting to save for the future after forking out my lifetime savings.
    I think I’m too nice. When he does his laundry, he just leave his clothes in the washing machine when it’s done, then when it’s my turn to use it, his clothes would still be in there leaving me to hang them up. I buy groceries from toiletries, laundry, foods, etc. I never saw him buying toiletry and laundry products. He uses my groceries. When I’m away, his daughter makes our house as her shop. She would take whatever she needs in the house and never return back.
    The house is always spotless clean. But as soon as his son arrives, he would bring in his muddy shoes in, leaving dirt marks on the floor. It drives me mad, but I couldn’t give out. He would heat up foods in the microwave without covering it, leave used dishes on the sink, leave food remnants on the table, leave his toilet stinky and dirty, leave his shoes anywhere in the house. I don’t want to think I’ve an OCD but it freaks me when the house is dirty.
    I don’t think he will ever move out. He’s very comfortable in the house.

  • You need to accept he will always cater to his kids based on history. You attempting to cause change will bring a push back reaction from the spoiled kids. You are going to marry this problem you do know?

  • I’m trying to accept but they’re too old for us to keep supporting them. We are getting old. What happened if we can no longer work for them?
    They’re giving us stress. Their father is beginning to “notice” the stress they cause us.

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