Please help me
* im sorry if this is too long but please if someone knows how to help me i would appreciate that*
im a teen and i hate my life. i have everything: the most loving parents, friends, clothes, food and all stuff i need. but im not happy.my parents do everything they can to make me happy but that happines doesnt last long. firstly im 16 and i hate that im becoming a woman. my mom yesterday wanted to buy me heels and she said to me that im not a little girl anymore. i hate that feeling and im not ready to grow up. secondly i never want to wear provoking clothes or even little bit thighter clothes cuz i feel like everybody is gonna watch me. im not even confident in wearing shorts! i hate the feeling that people would look at my butt or boobs and sexualize me. i feel like every older man is a pedo even my teachers and random strangers.
thirdly my family is always telling me that happy people is the ones with children and the love of their lives but i dont want that. i feel like its time for me to be in relationship and everything but i feel like i dont want to have boyfriend nor husband and children in future and i dont want that to change. i dont want to lose virginity and i feel like im asexual too. every day i wake up and cry ovethinking everything. i never go out i hate people. i have a few close friends and i feel like before when i was little i was confident and never shy but my parents are the type that wouldnt let me hang out (its complicated lol) and stuff so i feel like thats why im introverted now. i know i havent been introvert my whole life. i used to be the confident kid and never shy but now i am being introverted and not social like others. i hate it. i dont care about peoples opinions about me and i feel like people are sick of me always complaining about life. i hate when my parents try to help me cuz i feel like its only getting worse. also when i tell my friends how i feel they say that i should be happy with what i have and that that sadness wouldnt last long. but that sadness last for over two years now! last summer was really hard for me i didnt know what to do with myself i felt like my head is gonna explode and i couldnt help it. im felling helpless because i cant even contol my own mind and its driving me crazy. i think about killing myself every day but i always remember that that would ruin my familys life and i dont want their life to be sad like mine. i feel so weird knowing that i exist and i dont know how to explain it i may be going through existential crisis for the past two years of my life. i hate being a teen and i feel whenever i think i might have depression my friends always tell me "we all feel like that it will be alright" or "you dont have problems BE HAPPY". i cant be happy just like that. i feel deppresed but they always tell me thats cuz im a teen and its normal to be like that in this period. i hate when they say that cuz that dont help me at all and just make my problem worse. im sorry if this is too long and i feel like most of you are goint to say that i need to meet psychiatrist but im gonna try anyways.