22 with aspergers, finally going to try work.
I'm 22 years old, I had a s*** start in my high school career, relentlessly bullied and not getting help when I needed it. Because I got bullied in class too at the start, I found myself no longer able to learn in a class setting because of my attention being hyper focused on everything else around me. I failed a lot of subjects and dropped out of school when I was 16. I have been at home ever since, only going out very sparingly on my own. At 17 I was diagnosed with severe anxiety issues, as I was and am exceedingly anxious when I shouldn't be and often had and have panic attacks. At 18 I got my aspergers diagnosis and things changed, I started understanding myself a lot more. I've gotten to a point where I can no longer stand doing nothing at home, living off a disability living allowance and I'm joining a supported employment program. But I'm terrified. I've never worked, never wanted to work (not out of laziness) and I'm not sure I want to work even now... but I have to do something, I cant live on the way I am and with how little I get from my DLA. How do I become normal, like how do I get out of this complete adverse feeling towards work I have? I want to be able to actually want to have a job but I cant make my mind change like that. I'm trying this supportive employment thing anyways despite my feelings against it, but I wish I could make myself truly want this... I don't want to be scared of something so mundane and normal to literally everyone else. Sorry if I'm not great at articulating my thoughts, or writing cohesively.