I feel like a monster

Since I was told I had autism, my condition apparently got worse because I became too aware of things, like germs and stuff. A few years ago, I had a relative who stayed with us and she became a disgusting s** deviant, and she left, but I became too concerned as to every time I touch a surface, there’s a disease left by her because she refused to wash clothes or herself.

Fast forward that to present day, and apparently I cannot voice anything to my mother because when I do, she throws a hissy fit and sulks for the rest of the day or week (I always wondered where I got my overly sensitive side from) and my dad is too much of a little kid and a snitch to talk about stuff.

So I cannot talk about my thoughts (like please stop using my chair as a bin or coffee table when you can walk to the bin or use your own chair which is end to a table!) or (I don’t feel safe thanks to your ex’s current wife being a lunatic claiming the FBI is gonna look for her ‘why?’ and resulting in us running around the city to relocate her ‘again why?’ and a night walker walked past my dad’s car and I got freaked out and locked the doors because I didn’t want to get kidnapped.)

and my mother’s response when I bring these issues up is ‘she’s gone now so get over it. There’s nothing to worry about. Sorry sweetie, can’t put a bandaid over that, damage is done!

I feel like I have to bottle every single thing up, and it infuriates me. I should be able to talk to people without upsetting them into behaviour g like a 2 year old or mocking me because they seem to like behaving like a little kid. I don’t get a say in anything anymore nor do I like myself because they make me feel like I’m bad.

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  • My wife has had a diagnosis recently and things are very different it might be good to talk, because there is so much I wish to understand myself?

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