Dilemma of a married woman in an open relationship

I'm a married woman (late 30s), with 1 child, and have bf (late 20s) who is single. I live with my family and I meet my bf around 2 days a week who lives in a nearby city. We tried a discreet open relationship arrangement 5 yrs ago when I met bf at the time I went back to University for further schooling. My husband is ok about it and in fact, have already met him. My bf knows I'm married and yet he wants to stick around with me long-term and doesn't want to get a gf to be his forever partner to start a family with. He promised that he would love me forever and would never wish me and my husband to get separated but he just wanted me to love him too the same way. Actually, I do. I'm wearing the friendship ring he gave me together with hubby's wedding band. Bf's family know me as his long term gf (5yrs) but have no clue about me being married.

Recently, bf asked me when do I feel is the right time for us to have a baby and if hubby will be ok with it? I was thunderstruck with the question.

Personally, I wanted to have a 2nd child but it never happened. I'm not sure if hubby or I developed fertility issues after our first child but we never bothered to let ourselves be checked medically. We do have regular s*x and with bf, I make sure we do it with protection to be on the safe side. But occasionally, we do fluid bond on my safe days.

I'm not sure what is the motivation behind bf. Maybe he wanted an insurance that we can be forever or he really has no plans of raising a family with another woman so he wanted to father a child with me before I near the end of my reproductive clock. Logically, this is the best time, if we will do it at all. Deep inside of me, I love him and would be willing to give that to him, if Im still capable. But I'm so scared because I'm not the only stakeholder to this. I also love my husband too.

Before we opened our relationship 5 yrs ago, we (me and my hubby) already discussed the issue of the possibility of accidental pregnancy in such an arrangement. His position at that time was somewhere along this line... 'yes that is possible. If that happens we will deal with that when the time comes...'. I'm so confused right now and can't imagine talking to him about wanting to have a baby with my bf. Maybe he will understand or maybe it can wreck our marriage, I'm not sure. I love to but I'm scared of the consequences. Should we just go for it and see what happens because I'm not even sure if I still can? If it happens, that's the time to talk to hubb? Can it be considered an 'accidental' pregnancy'? I need thoughts and new perspectives on this.


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  • Open marriages is natures way of saying, get a divorce. It's sick and unnatural.

  • Divorce is a remedy if there is a breakdown of the relationship. If there are none, there is no point. There are couples who resort to open relationships just to add spice to their marriage. But sometimes, emotional relationships are formed that goes beyond the sexual. In these cases, it evolves to multi-amorous relationships which are parallel to the primary couple, like in our situation. I do admit these situations are complicated and can potentially destroy a marriage, if not strong or stable enough.

  • Do your bf wears a condom or bareback when you have s**?

  • I don't do birth control but I let my bf wear a condom, except on some occasions I let him do it on safe days.

  • How do you know if it will be bf's baby or husband?

  • If my bf is so certain about it and if I decided it will be ok for everyone, we can have s** more often during my fertile days unprotected and see what happens. I have to avoid doing s** with hubby during those days. it is not foolproof but it is the best I can do given my circumstances.

  • Is it really possible to have relationships like this. it’s nice to read! can’t imagine things like this.

  • Thanks for reading. Open relationships are becoming common but not all are caught in a situation like mine. I think it is because my bf is more of the "monogamish" type and wants to raise a family with me. My husband is wired to non-monogamy though Im not sure if me having a baby with bf will sit well with him.

  • Go and have a baby by your bf but better not tell your husband. Very likely that your husband could get jealous and your affair with your bf might endanger your married life. Let him be known that the baby is by him.

  • That is the easier way. But what if he already got himself tested that he can't have children anymore and he is not telling me?

  • Oh my this is f***** up situation! If your going to tell your husband that you want to get preggy by your boyfriend and it didnt happen, youl lose your face and posibly put a crack on your marriage! Better just wait when you get preg. My 2 ccents!

  • Thats my initial plan but it can get bad too

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