Dilemma of a married woman in an open relationship
I'm a married woman (late 30s), with 1 child, and have bf (late 20s) who is single. I live with my family and I meet my bf around 2 days a week who lives in a nearby city. We tried a discreet open relationship arrangement 5 yrs ago when I met bf at the time I went back to University for further schooling. My husband is ok about it and in fact, have already met him. My bf knows I'm married and yet he wants to stick around with me long-term and doesn't want to get a gf to be his forever partner to start a family with. He promised that he would love me forever and would never wish me and my husband to get separated but he just wanted me to love him too the same way. Actually, I do. I'm wearing the friendship ring he gave me together with hubby's wedding band. Bf's family know me as his long term gf (5yrs) but have no clue about me being married.
Recently, bf asked me when do I feel is the right time for us to have a baby and if hubby will be ok with it? I was thunderstruck with the question.
Personally, I wanted to have a 2nd child but it never happened. I'm not sure if hubby or I developed fertility issues after our first child but we never bothered to let ourselves be checked medically. We do have regular s*x and with bf, I make sure we do it with protection to be on the safe side. But occasionally, we do fluid bond on my safe days.
I'm not sure what is the motivation behind bf. Maybe he wanted an insurance that we can be forever or he really has no plans of raising a family with another woman so he wanted to father a child with me before I near the end of my reproductive clock. Logically, this is the best time, if we will do it at all. Deep inside of me, I love him and would be willing to give that to him, if Im still capable. But I'm so scared because I'm not the only stakeholder to this. I also love my husband too.
Before we opened our relationship 5 yrs ago, we (me and my hubby) already discussed the issue of the possibility of accidental pregnancy in such an arrangement. His position at that time was somewhere along this line... 'yes that is possible. If that happens we will deal with that when the time comes...'. I'm so confused right now and can't imagine talking to him about wanting to have a baby with my bf. Maybe he will understand or maybe it can wreck our marriage, I'm not sure. I love to but I'm scared of the consequences. Should we just go for it and see what happens because I'm not even sure if I still can? If it happens, that's the time to talk to hubb? Can it be considered an 'accidental' pregnancy'? I need thoughts and new perspectives on this.