Dilemma of a married woman in an open relationship

I'm a married woman (late 30s), with 1 child, and have bf (late 20s) who is single. I live with my family and I meet my bf around 2 days a week who lives in a nearby city. We tried a discreet open relationship arrangement 5 yrs ago when I met bf at the time I went back to University for further schooling. My husband is ok about it and in fact, have already met him. My bf knows I'm married and yet he wants to stick around with me long-term and doesn't want to get a gf to be his forever partner to start a family with. He promised that he would love me forever and would never wish me and my husband to get separated but he just wanted me to love him too the same way. Actually, I do. I'm wearing the friendship ring he gave me together with hubby's wedding band. Bf's family know me as his long term gf (5yrs) but have no clue about me being married.

Recently, bf asked me when do I feel is the right time for us to have a baby and if hubby will be ok with it? I was thunderstruck with the question.

Personally, I wanted to have a 2nd child but it never happened. I'm not sure if hubby or I developed fertility issues after our first child but we never bothered to let ourselves be checked medically. We do have regular s*x and with bf, I make sure we do it with protection to be on the safe side. But occasionally, we do fluid bond on my safe days.

I'm not sure what is the motivation behind bf. Maybe he wanted an insurance that we can be forever or he really has no plans of raising a family with another woman so he wanted to father a child with me before I near the end of my reproductive clock. Logically, this is the best time, if we will do it at all. Deep inside of me, I love him and would be willing to give that to him, if Im still capable. But I'm so scared because I'm not the only stakeholder to this. I also love my husband too.

Before we opened our relationship 5 yrs ago, we (me and my hubby) already discussed the issue of the possibility of accidental pregnancy in such an arrangement. His position at that time was somewhere along this line... 'yes that is possible. If that happens we will deal with that when the time comes...'. I'm so confused right now and can't imagine talking to him about wanting to have a baby with my bf. Maybe he will understand or maybe it can wreck our marriage, I'm not sure. I love to but I'm scared of the consequences. Should we just go for it and see what happens because I'm not even sure if I still can? If it happens, that's the time to talk to hubb? Can it be considered an 'accidental' pregnancy'? I need thoughts and new perspectives on this.

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  • You need to talk to hubby about this new development. Don't wait until you are pregnant. that would be stupid. your husband sounds reasonable, he lets you have a lover and he doesn't seem bothered with it. sit him down and talk to him.

  • Thanks. Im figuring out the best timing to talk with him

  • No disrespect here but if you want to get pregnant by your boyfriend, you have to limit your s** with your husband and you should let your boyfriend f*** you most of the time.

  • Embarrassing as it may sound, once I decided on it, I might just do that. I might distance my s** with hub away from my fertile days. I still have no exact idea on how to do that without hurting anyone's feelings.

  • In a closeted poly relationship and I have 2 kids from different fathers. My husband is white but my youngest child is black. I didn't plan it but it just happened and he understands it. It is awkward explaining it to family and friends at first but I'm getting used to it. If you love your boyfriend too, go for it! Your husband will understand for he agreed you to have open relationship with another man without any birth control. The outcome is inevitable. The important thing is to plan ahead about your parenting arrangements after the baby is born. Best wishes to you.

  • Thanks. True, the outcome could be inevitable. While I feel I could manage the birth control part, the emotions involved and the responsibility that goes with the relationship can be difficult to escape.

  • Stop being such a damned s*** and start treating your husband better. Your husband must be a f****** beaten down loser to allow you to have a side bf and let you walk around town 👀 for the nearest d*** to mount while your greedy s***** is in search of sperm. He should give you a hard slap in the face and a hard f*** in the ass for how you have treated him.

  • You wear your husbands wedding band. Does that not come up at the boyfriends family get-togethers?

  • Yes and also bf's ring. I love to wear fashion jewelry and beads so they maybe unnoticeable on my hands. So far nobody has asked though I'm also nervous during his family's get togethers when conversations regarding getting married or raising a family comes up.

  • Open marriages is natures way of saying, get a divorce. It's sick and unnatural.

  • Divorce is a remedy if there is a breakdown of the relationship. If there are none, there is no point. There are couples who resort to open relationships just to add spice to their marriage. But sometimes, emotional relationships are formed that goes beyond the sexual. In these cases, it evolves to multi-amorous relationships which are parallel to the primary couple, like in our situation. I do admit these situations are complicated and can potentially destroy a marriage, if not strong or stable enough.

  • Do your bf wears a condom or bareback when you have s**?

  • I don't do birth control but I let my bf wear a condom, except on some occasions I let him do it on safe days.

  • How do you know if it will be bf's baby or husband?

  • You can usually tell by the looks of the baby, at least when it’s a little older, but there is DNA to be sure.

  • If ever, I really need to know outright so bf's family will know too.

  • If my bf is so certain about it and if I decided it will be ok for everyone, we can have s** more often during my fertile days unprotected and see what happens. I have to avoid doing s** with hubby during those days. it is not foolproof but it is the best I can do given my circumstances.

  • Is it really possible to have relationships like this. it’s nice to read! can’t imagine things like this.

  • Thanks for reading. Open relationships are becoming common but not all are caught in a situation like mine. I think it is because my bf is more of the "monogamish" type and wants to raise a family with me. My husband is wired to non-monogamy though Im not sure if me having a baby with bf will sit well with him.

  • Go and have a baby by your bf but better not tell your husband. Very likely that your husband could get jealous and your affair with your bf might endanger your married life. Let him be known that the baby is by him.

  • That is the easier way. But what if he already got himself tested that he can't have children anymore and he is not telling me?

  • Oh my this is f***** up situation! If your going to tell your husband that you want to get preggy by your boyfriend and it didnt happen, youl lose your face and posibly put a crack on your marriage! Better just wait when you get preg. My 2 ccents!

  • Thats my initial plan but it can get bad too

  • If this marriage is so open, then tell your husband what boyfriend wants to do. He’ll say great, or not great. Then you know what to do.

  • It's hard to predict a person's emotions. Sometimes it's acceptable when it's distant or unlikely yet but when it is imminent, it can change. I'm still undecided on this...i don't like the feeling of being hugely embarassed, like, if it turned out hubby is on board and then suddenly it can't happen because of me who is uncapable. You know whtat I mean.

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