I don't know if I love him or not....

Okay, I'm gonna be totally honest here. I'm 16 and idk if I like this guy or love him...

I'll try my best to explain my situation and I want to know people's opinions...
So this guy who lives in a different country texted me few months ago. He is an E-boy. Our race is same but we live in different countries, he moved there last year.So I have a thing for E-boys and because of it I always thought that he was cool. even though he barely posted pictures of his face, I assumed that he is cute. So I had this fake instagram account where we both used to follow each other. Over there no one knew how I looked. it makes me feel comfortable.

So one day he replied to one of my stories and I was happy cuz he was quite popular and had decent amount of followers. From there we started talking and we both figured out that we kinda vibe together.....

At a point we literally talked everyday. It turns out to be that we have mutual friends. We became really close and not to mention, he flirts a lot. So we both flirted with each other and at a point I realized that I have a crush on him. We also had inside jokes like, we'll go to stripping club together and strip down, going on dates at grave yard and not to mention we used to joke about getting married. Like he literally used to say that if no one marries me then I'll come to you and I would joke along. We almost became best friends and also..... w sexted.... like technically we didn't sexted but you'll get it soon.

So one day I was telling him one of my embarrassing stories and we both where laughing and suddenly he said something and I kinda imagined something dirty because of it so I was not sure what to say. Then he said that he also imagined something and I was shocked. So I asked him what he saw and he told me everything and my jaw dropped, he imagined the same exact thing. And then he was asking me what I saw but I'm kinda shy so I was denying but he was very straight forward with everything. And from there our dirty talking started. Next day he knocked me saying he can't get me off my mind. He imagines me naked 24/7 and how much he wants to f*** me. Again he was very comfortable saying stuffs like this when I was shy. So I sent a screenshot of our chat to my friend and she was saying how lucky I was because my crush is saying stuff like this to me. My friend encouraged me to send certain things and boom, we were sexting. I mean my friend helped me a lot since I'm shy but he was the first guy who made me weak via texts.

Beside sexting and flirting we shared some deep secrets. We also had deep conversations and he told me everything about his exes. Also he shared everything about his crush with me, I was jelly but at least I knew everything. We even had late night phone call conversations. And not to mention, the way he looked, his height, his voice wasn't a part of my ideal type. Yet I was very obsessed with him, I still am....

So one day He sarcastically said, " as if you have clear feelings for me" and I replied saying I should be th one asking since he was the one who always flirted. And suddenly his texting form changed. He said "Yes. I mean. Yes". And could feel that he was being serious. But then he changed the conversation. One day he said he would love to fall in love with me but he fears because his ex cheated on him so he is kinda insecure about dating and relationships. Not to mention, he also said he starts avoiding people when he starts having feelings because he don't wanna date rn.

Now everything was going well. I was having hopes and at that time I fell for him even harder. Our standard time is different so when it's night here, it's day for him. Because of it I used to sacrifice my sleep so I can talk with him. I didn't knew if he liked me or not but I was having hopes. But one day he suddenly started ghosting me. He stopped replying to my texts and it was like I never existed. And I was very hurt. I literally cried for that and I kinda became miserable because we where really close so I never expected something like this. I'm he type of girl ** never dated anyone because I never thought boys where worthy and dating is reasonable. So the last thing my friends expected was me to cry for a boy. I was so sad and everyday I waited for a reply but nothing came.

One day my friend called me and asked me if I love him or not. My friend said I was acting weird and she never thought I'll ever act like this. I denied the fact that I don't love him. But what if I do? What if Im the one who is avoiding it?

Look, I'm a teenager and I'm too young to fall in love. I don't want to use the word love recklessly because it have a very deep meaning. So personally I won't use this word to express my feeling for him. But I did cried for me. But I think maybe because I'm a teen, it's normal for me to feel something like this for someone, I think I just like him so much. Or what if I'm only trying to avoid my feelings? I have so many questions and I'm very confused. Maybe I feel like this because he was the first guy who made me feel beautiful and worthy despite of being my crush? I don't know what it is...

Now I have 2 last questions. More like I want opinions. No. 1, what do you think? I love him or like him? personally I think I'm going through my teen phase and I just like him AND I'm just overthinking about my feelings. No. 2, Did he ever liked me? at least for once.... Personally there was a time when I thought he liked me more than a friend and I have hope but now we are like strangers.... So maybe I was wrong, he never had feelings for me,

So if you read everything, thank you so much for wasting your time and please help me lol