I don't know if I love him or not....

Okay, I'm gonna be totally honest here. I'm 16 and idk if I like this guy or love him...

I'll try my best to explain my situation and I want to know people's opinions...
So this guy who lives in a different country texted me few months ago. He is an E-boy. Our race is same but we live in different countries, he moved there last year.So I have a thing for E-boys and because of it I always thought that he was cool. even though he barely posted pictures of his face, I assumed that he is cute. So I had this fake instagram account where we both used to follow each other. Over there no one knew how I looked. it makes me feel comfortable.

So one day he replied to one of my stories and I was happy cuz he was quite popular and had decent amount of followers. From there we started talking and we both figured out that we kinda vibe together.....

At a point we literally talked everyday. It turns out to be that we have mutual friends. We became really close and not to mention, he flirts a lot. So we both flirted with each other and at a point I realized that I have a crush on him. We also had inside jokes like, we'll go to stripping club together and strip down, going on dates at grave yard and not to mention we used to joke about getting married. Like he literally used to say that if no one marries me then I'll come to you and I would joke along. We almost became best friends and also..... w sexted.... like technically we didn't sexted but you'll get it soon.

So one day I was telling him one of my embarrassing stories and we both where laughing and suddenly he said something and I kinda imagined something dirty because of it so I was not sure what to say. Then he said that he also imagined something and I was shocked. So I asked him what he saw and he told me everything and my jaw dropped, he imagined the same exact thing. And then he was asking me what I saw but I'm kinda shy so I was denying but he was very straight forward with everything. And from there our dirty talking started. Next day he knocked me saying he can't get me off my mind. He imagines me naked 24/7 and how much he wants to f*** me. Again he was very comfortable saying stuffs like this when I was shy. So I sent a screenshot of our chat to my friend and she was saying how lucky I was because my crush is saying stuff like this to me. My friend encouraged me to send certain things and boom, we were sexting. I mean my friend helped me a lot since I'm shy but he was the first guy who made me weak via texts.

Beside sexting and flirting we shared some deep secrets. We also had deep conversations and he told me everything about his exes. Also he shared everything about his crush with me, I was jelly but at least I knew everything. We even had late night phone call conversations. And not to mention, the way he looked, his height, his voice wasn't a part of my ideal type. Yet I was very obsessed with him, I still am....

So one day He sarcastically said, " as if you have clear feelings for me" and I replied saying I should be th one asking since he was the one who always flirted. And suddenly his texting form changed. He said "Yes. I mean. Yes". And could feel that he was being serious. But then he changed the conversation. One day he said he would love to fall in love with me but he fears because his ex cheated on him so he is kinda insecure about dating and relationships. Not to mention, he also said he starts avoiding people when he starts having feelings because he don't wanna date rn.

Now everything was going well. I was having hopes and at that time I fell for him even harder. Our standard time is different so when it's night here, it's day for him. Because of it I used to sacrifice my sleep so I can talk with him. I didn't knew if he liked me or not but I was having hopes. But one day he suddenly started ghosting me. He stopped replying to my texts and it was like I never existed. And I was very hurt. I literally cried for that and I kinda became miserable because we where really close so I never expected something like this. I'm he type of girl ho never dated anyone because I never thought boys where worthy and dating is reasonable. So the last thing my friends expected was me to cry for a boy. I was so sad and everyday I waited for a reply but nothing came.

One day my friend called me and asked me if I love him or not. My friend said I was acting weird and she never thought I'll ever act like this. I denied the fact that I don't love him. But what if I do? What if Im the one who is avoiding it?

Look, I'm a teenager and I'm too young to fall in love. I don't want to use the word love recklessly because it have a very deep meaning. So personally I won't use this word to express my feeling for him. But I did cried for me. But I think maybe because I'm a teen, it's normal for me to feel something like this for someone, I think I just like him so much. Or what if I'm only trying to avoid my feelings? I have so many questions and I'm very confused. Maybe I feel like this because he was the first guy who made me feel beautiful and worthy despite of being my crush? I don't know what it is...

Now I have 2 last questions. More like I want opinions. No. 1, what do you think? I love him or like him? personally I think I'm going through my teen phase and I just like him AND I'm just overthinking about my feelings. No. 2, Did he ever liked me? at least for once.... Personally there was a time when I thought he liked me more than a friend and I have hope but now we are like strangers.... So maybe I was wrong, he never had feelings for me,

So if you read everything, thank you so much for wasting your time and please help me lol

Jul 17, 2020

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  • He never loved you, he was thinking may be he could use you as a fuckkdoll. Long distance relations doesn’t work esp for boys as in your case so he thought what am I gaining outta it.

    Yes its just a phase and infatuation that you are going through as you said we had common feelings and blah blah blah...

    Remember girls are never short of boys, these guys which appear to be popular , nice and charming are originally weak and selfish. He would leave you in tears after some time of relation ship.

    Leave him alone move forward

  • I did. I'm much better now. I don't expect anything from him and we don't talk anymore. As you said, it was just a phase and I know that very well. We still still follow each other on social media but he barely notice me and now days I also try to avoid him.

    I've seen how he have a new “girl” rn. The type of girl I was for him. And also I figured out that I wasn't the only one.

    So like I wished him on his birthday and he replied saying he was waiting for me and I forgot about him which is definitely not true because he is the one who ignores me like I don't exist. So I kinda got p***** off and said some stuffs. And then he just left one message saying, “don't attack me like this, please”. I mean..... Wow I don't like him anymore....

    But still a part of me wants to be his friend.

  • Why don’t you find some nice time to kill yourself... i just told you he is a moron but you are not letting him get outta of your mind. I do understand your heart is wounded right now and it will take some time to heal no matter how many opinions or suggestions people give . All i want from you is give up the fuckingg social media for some time and divert yourself to some more meaning full things.

    I was same kind of guy as you described but later on i realized what I have just lost will never come back to me that is some one who truly loved me but I never appreciated her. Enough of me now and yes don’t forget to kill yourself. Good luck

  • Okay, first of all thank you for motivating me to kill myself. I really appreciate that.

    Now let something. I am trying okay. Ik it's hard for me because I've never cared about boys and when I finally started caring about something, this happened. You can say I'm really shocked how drastically he changed after I cared for him so much. I literally didn't slept for nights just because when it's night here, it's daytime in NY. Now I can see he actually never genuinely cared about me and I've accepted the fact. And I'm trying. 90% of me is trying but that last 10% is still bothering me. Despite of everything, that 10% me is still believing that at least once he was serious. At least once I've seen an other side of him. At least once he thought of me as a friend.

    I know he is a moron. He is a f****** ass****. And yes because of him my heart is severally wounded that I stopped thinking about dating someone else. But yk, I'm genuinely. But everytime I try to, somehow he comes back and boom, I'm done. Like, he is a d***. I hate him. But like, now i don't even know what I mean and what I don't.

    As you said, you were same kinda guy. But you changed right? I just hope he also change and then guilty. And yes, I won't forget to kill myself, good bye.

  • Hey don’t kill yourself this how I talk i am a messed up person.

    Well, glad to hear that you will overcome this very soon and it should be like that. My experience says some day he will turn back to you as I did but it was too late. But the question is would you allow the same kind of suffering to yourself again? Would you give him a second chance?

    Don’t compare him to me as we are different identities. Yes I changed and realized how important is to pay attention to the one who is madly in love with you. All in all what I am saying is it is upto you to decide but my ex never looked back at me and she is way much happier than she was with me.

    But incase if she returns than I would her slave 24x7

  • I was also kidding about the “killing” part, don't worry lol.

    Look, it's already really toxic between us. I personally think if he ever come back, I would be glad. But I don't think I will be able to give him a chance. It's already messed up. I myself know that if we ever start dating, it won't be healthy relationship. At least for me. I know about his past relationships and all of them were toxic. I just don't don't want to throw myself into something toxic like that. And top at that, I'm young. I know that this is not the end lol. I'll find more guys and probably forget about him lol. So like yeah, I'll just try my best. Thank you anyways, it was kinda great spilling everything here. And I'm happy to know that you are not the same person anymore:)

  • Perfect and absolutely correct decision. Yesssssss......! You are young use it, find some rich idiot with a huge anaconda and live life king size.

    Alright birdie sky is calling you. Love you....miss you...🖕you

  • Yess I'll probably find a rich idiot with a big anaconda lol. Also you did changed my point of view. I kinda realised that it was my fault to stick with him all the time. so Ily for that. Idk who you are but I appreciate it now
    🖕you :)

  • Anytime :)

  • *you can ignore my typos, I typed fast*

  • Likewise

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