Why me?

I really hate men.
Why me?
When i was young my mom was at work my dad use to molest me. In 4rth grade during recess to boys caught me in bathroom and pulled my pants down.
I grew up was out with my bf at time and got really drunk and ended up with some guys house and couldn’t remember anything but knew I had been **.
I have always been a easy target and don’t understand why. No my husbands best friend
Comes around all the time when he’s at work.
He don’t even ask he just comes over like I want him too and ** me and leaves. I don’t know why I let him. He has been doing this for along time over a year. He tells me how ** I am and how nice my ** looks. He’s married and always tells me when I ask him why when he wants to ** he says you make me **.
I always give him what ever he wants so he will leave and no one will catch us.
Sometimes I want to be caught. I