I think I might have been mentally abused
I think I was mentallyabused/emotionallyabused when I was younger from my mom and my stepfather. When I was five my mother tried to suffocate me with a pillow. Then made me promise not to tell. I then became a surrogate mom to my younger sibling. Any time i would start to show any emotion I was told to control it. So when combined with the fact I was told I wasnt good enough, I'll never be accepted (really hits hard now that I know Im ace), along with a slew of other things. I became suicidal at age 10. I actually had many plans on following through with it. I never did because there were too many variables to consider. It didnt get better in my teens. My sibling came out as nonbinary and that hasnt gone over well in our family. It seems like Im trapped as I have tried looking for apartments and ways to finally escape and save my sibling and I but finacally can't with what Im currently making. It turns out that I might be bipolar with depression and anxiety. I was conditioned to fear psychiatrists and therapists as they might lock me up for not being neurotypical. I want to get help but Im afraid of it affecting my future negatively and the fear of being locked in a padded room. Im not sure what to do anymore.