Wishing for deaths

I’d never openly admit this to anyone, but there have been hundreds of times that I wished for my wife to get in a wreck and die on her way to work. Whether she did or didn’t have my daughter in the car with her. I’ve spent three years regretting that I never got to experience living alone and being single without kids. I would never harm either of them myself, I couldn’t even imagine doing that, but I wouldn’t be upset if something else were to happen to them.